Columnist Sandy Thompson: Grandma can care for others, not her own

Sandy Thompson

Friday, March 16, 2001 | 3:44 a.m.

Sandy Thompson is vice president/associate editor of the Las Vegas Sun. She can be reached at 259-4025 or e-mail at thompson@lasvegassun.com

PAT DESPAIN sought a foster care license so she could take care of her two young grandchildren.

The 61-year-old grandmother was granted the license in December and then was asked by a caseworker if she would take in two foster children. The problem is that they weren't her grandchildren. The state Division of Child and Family Services, Despain says, is blocking her efforts to care for her grandchildren, who are with a foster family.

Under the federal Adoption and Safe Families Act, any relative caring for a child who is in the child welfare/foster care system must be licensed as a foster parent.

It's not known why caseworkers object to placing Despain's 9-year-old granddaughter and 7-year-old grandson with her. Caseworkers try to act in the best interests of the child. DCFS can't comment on this case since child welfare records are confidential. So we have only one side of the story, which is pieced together from interviews with Despain and the children's mother, whose parental rights have been terminated, as well as a review of court papers provided by the mother.

Despain's son is the father of the two children, but he never married their mother, Sandra. He and Sandra broke up when their son was only a few weeks old. He spent time in jail on drug charges; Sandra has a drug problem and has been arrested several times on drug, burglary and other charges.

After one of those arrests in October 1997, the state took custody of the two children. They were placed with Sandra's parents until she could get her act together. But in March 1999 they could no longer care for the children, who were then placed in foster care.

Family Court ordered Sandra to follow a parenting case plan that ideally would lead to reunification with her children. Therapists and caseworkers noted that she had a strong bond with her daughter, who wanted to be with Sandra.

In an interview last summer, Sandra said she loved her children. "I can't change what I've done. I'm trying. And I'm trying. I'm getting slammed everywhere. I can't give up."

It wasn't enough. Although she stayed off drugs for a time, she later tested positive and the court terminated her parental rights, along with those of Despain's son.

Despain then sought custody of the children. She points out that she earns a good salary, has health insurance and would not need financial assistance to raise her grandchildren. Despite that, caseworkers object to the placement, Despain says. She is allowed only weekly supervised visits with the children at a local McDonald's. She's upset that there have been no visits for the last three weeks.

Despain also questions why she wasn't asked to take the children for a week last summer when the foster family went on vacation. The children were placed in Child Haven instead.

None of the court papers provided by Sandra mentioned Despain as a possible placement. It appears that the goal was to have the foster family adopt the children after their parents' rights were terminated. The children, whose interests are represented by an attorney, had said they wanted to stay with the foster family, but it's not known how they feel now.

Despain says caseworkers initially claimed she "came into the picture too late" and was a stranger to the children. Caseworkers also feared Despain would give Sandra access to the children. According to one court document, there was concern that Despain "does not recognize the severity of her son's issues or the natural mother's issues."

It's a legitimate concern -- one that will grow as more relatives, especially grandparents, take in children. Despain says the concern is moot since Sandra "went off the deep end" after she lost her parental rights and is in jail facing a multiyear sentence on burglary and forgery charges. As for her son's access to the children, Despain says he is married, has a job and is getting his life together.

Despain has concerns about how her grandchildren are being raised. Despain is Catholic, Sandra is Jewish and the foster parents are Jehovah's Witnesses.

Despain is an outspoken woman and admits she may have a personality conflict with the caseworkers, which doesn't bode well for her.

A hearing on Despain's request for custody is set for mid-April.

"I want my grandchildren out of the system," Despain says.