Review: ‘The Fast and the Furious’ a real drag

Geoff Carter

Thursday, June 21, 2001 | 10:39 a.m.

The Fast and The Furious

Grade: one star

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster.

Screenplay: Gary Scott Thompson, Erik Berguist and David Ayer.

Director: Rob Cohen.

Rated: PG13 for violence, sexual content and language.

Running time: 98 minutes.

I think we've proven, as a movie-going audience, that we'll accept rubbish. Not only will we accept it, but we'll also pay tall money to sit in it for two hours. I don't know about you, but I've no desire to see "Charlie's Angels," "Mission: Impossible 2" or "Pearl Harbor" ever again - and the combined worldwide earnings of those films amount to a gross national product.

So it is with a completely open mind that I tell you not to see Rob Cohen's "The Fast and The Furious," because I know full well that you will. Probably enough of you to push the street-racing yarn over the vaunted $100 million mark - the magic number at which studio executives get to keep their jobs. Hell, I'd have gone to see it if it wasn't part of my job; I love a good chase movie as much as anybody.

"Furious" isn't quite either - a chase movie, or good. It's the story of Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), a gravel-voiced tough guy who more or less rules the unofficial street races in Los Angeles. He's challenged - and quickly befriended -- by fresh-faced upstart Brian Spindler (Paul Walker), which makes perfect sense. I mean, who wouldn't want to be pals with the Iron Giant?

But alas, there's a rough road before Mr. Fast and Mr. Furious. (I'm joking - the title of the film is, essentially, meaningless.) Brian is actually an undercover cop looking for hi-speed hijackers among the races, and Dominic's sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) falls for him, and there's that whole thing with the Japanese motorcycle gang I'd care about some of this if a thousand movies just like this one hadn't clued me in beforehand.

In fact, I can name one movie that all three screenwriters must have seen and internalized: Kathryn Bigelow's 1991 surf-fascist yarn "Point Break." You have the young cop learning his way into a world that appeals to him, falling under the aegis of a charismatic, mysterious leader who may or may not be a wanted criminal, and very slowly, the kid goes native. Loses his bearings. His superiors yell at him. And the audience wonders, are there going to be more explosions or what? Who cares if this yahoo finally feels like he belongs? Can you go topless in a PG-13 movie?

If you want to see some good chase films, check out "The Hire," a series of BMW commercials starring Clive Owen and directed by various A-list directors (most notably Ang Lee and "Snatch" director Guy Ritchie). These five shorts (see them at bmwfilms.com) transcend their blatant commercial status to become solid little thrillers, and unlike in "Furious," you can feel the motion of a four-wheel drift, the hardcore rush of tearing off the line at ludicrous speed.

And - most importantly -- I'd pay eight bucks to see them, even if it didn't get me a free car. That's the important difference between knowing what a film is meant to do for your audience and what it's meant to do for your corner office on the backlot.