Columnist Steve Guiremand: Dodgers, 51s are both weak links

Steve Guiremand

Friday, June 15, 2001 | 10:48 a.m.

Steve Guiremand covers football and baseball for the Sun. Reach him at 259-2324 or steveg@lasvegassun.com. Regular columnist Dean Juipe has the day off.

They're baaack!

By now you might have seen the commercials for Jurassic Park III, which hits movie theaters next month. But I've got a great idea for Jurassic Park IV.

Keep the dinosaurs but add something even meaner and scarier -- Anne Robinson, the red-headed, sharp-tongued host of the game show, "The Weakest Link."

If you ask me, the highlight of an NBA Finals between the Lakers and 76ers has not been Shaquille O'Neal punking Dikembe Motumbo, or Kobe Bryant doing a pretty fair Air Jordan impression, or trying to keep track of how many times league MVP Allen Iverson can be caught on camera whining that he got fouled following each missed shot.

Nope, the highlight for me was watching the diminutive Robinson, described by the San Francisco Chronicle as an "icy dominatrix," carving up folks like Bob Costas, Lisa Leslie and Bill Walton a la Don Rickles during halftime Weakest Link segments.

In fact, if NBC really wanted to liven up its telecasts, they'd hire Robinson to conduct postgame interviews. Then when someone like Iverson moans that the refs missed too many calls, she could retort, "Mr. Iverson, why would you want to shoot free throws when you went 0-for-4 at the line during crunch time of the biggest game of the series (Game 2) and bricked another one at the end of Game 3?"

It's too bad we couldn't have a special Las Vegas 51s edition of "The Weakest Link." I could picture it going something like this.

Robinson: "What was the name of the bumbling German officer who frequently uttered the phrase, 'I know nothing!' on the popular TV sit-com 'Hogan's Heroes?' "

Las Vegas 51s president Don Logan: "That would be Sgt. Sofield ... er, Schultz."

Robinson: "Correct. Big fan of 'Hogan's Heroes,' are we?"

Logan: "Lets just say we're familiar with the phrase 'I know nothing' from certain members of the Dodgers organization."

Robinson: "OK. The next question is for 51s manager Rick Sofield. What veteran left-handed pitcher was released by the Dodgers in May even though they had to eat his $7.5 million salary for this season?"

Sofield: "I know nothing. I haven't checked my phone messages."

Robinson: "It's Carlos Perez. You remember him don't you Mr. Sofield?"

Sofield: "Now that you mention it, I think I got a phone message on that."

Robinson: "Goodbye. You are the weakest link!"

Logan: "Now you know what I have to go through every day."

Robinson: "We're not done with you yet, Mr. Logan. You must answer one last question to win. Here it is: What major league baseball franchise was once regarded as the premier organization in all of sports but is now considered just as Mickey Mouse as its neighborhood rival due to the embarrassing blunders of its recently fired GM?"

Logan: "The Dodgers?"

Robinson: "Correct! You are the smartest link!"

Logan: "Not really. We still have another three years we have to deal with these lying creeps. And we just can't wink and say goodbye."

Robinson: "Too bad. Because if this season is any indication of how the Dodgers run their minor league operation, the Las Vegas 51s truly are the weakest link!"