Columnist Susan Snyder: A marriage test for the ages

Friday, Jan. 19, 2001 | 9:06 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Fridays, Sundays and Tuesdays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or 259-4082.

It's a wonder my parents didn't kill each other.

Earlier this week a colleague brought me a yellowed copy of the Los Angeles Evening Herald Express from 1950. It contained one of those relationship tests that typically unravels more courtships than it seals.

This one is titled, "How to find out if you have qualities of a good husband or wife," and it ran on a Tuesday. Wonder how many couples were still speaking by Friday?

One can only imagine the discussions sparked by such questions as:

"Do you try to make the home interesting, attractive, cheerful, a place of rest and relaxation -- devoting as much thought and study to that as you would to a job 'downtown?' "

"Do you serve meals that are enticing in variety and attractiveness?"

"Do you keep yourself attractive (though not offensively so!) in appearance, in order that your husband may be proud to have everyone know you are his wife?"

"Are you a 'good sport': cheerful and uncomplaining, punctual, not nagging, not insisting on having your own way or the last word, not making a fuss over trifles or requiring him to solve minor problems that you should handle alone?"

Was the 1950s man from Mars? You can have interesting, attractive, cheerful and relaxed in a wife or in a house, bub. But you can't have both unless you have Martha Stewart. And even she swore at the neighbors for backing over her rosebushes or something.

Perfect Wife surely must ask: Is it truly possible to keep the wet towels off the floor, the pockets emptied before the pants are laundered and the Cheetos crumbs cleared out of the La-Z-Boy without making a fuss, nagging a little and having the last word?

I didn't think so.

Hey, you in the necktie. Sit down. It's your turn.

"Do you allow your wife an appropriate amount of the family income to spend as she chooses without accounting?"

No, $2 is not an "appropriate amount." Not even in 1950.

"Do you share at least half your recreation hours with her?"

News flash: "Honey, bring me a beer and some more salsa" during the Super Bowl does not constitute watching the game together.

"Do you show interest in and respect for her intellectual life?"

Hey, you're taking this stupid test, aren't you? Point it out. You should get points for that.

"Do you make an effort to understand the peculiarities of feminine psychology and to help her through her varying moods?"

OK, God himself couldn't do this. The "feminine psychology" isn't peculiar. It's simply a game you probably won't win -- like Megabucks. As for "varying moods" see "make the home interesting." It's her job.

Granted, the divorce rate in 1950 was a lot lower than it is now. It's possible these expectations often were met with many happy returns. It's also possible people simply drank more.

Consider, for example, this query: "Do you encourage your husband to go out frequently with his men friends, though it means leaving you home alone?"

Sure, as long as he can withstand a few "peculiarities of feminine psychology" when he gets home.