Columnist John Katsilometes: FHM takes trite look at Vegas

Monday, Jan. 15, 2001 | 8:48 a.m.

John Katsilometes is the Sun features editor. His column appears Mondays. Reach him at kats@lasvegassun.com or 259-2327.

The cover shouts "24-KARAT GOLD! ALYSSA MILANO MADE FROM STUFF THAT DRIVES MEN CRAZY."

For proof, there stands Alyssa Milano, the onetime source of preteen angst in the Tony Danza-Judith Light vehicle "Who's The Boss?" But here, Alyssa (to borrow a Vince Vaughn line from "Swingers") "Is all growed up!" She's decked out in a skin-tight golden swimsuit with a matching chain-link belt. Her blond hair is being blown back away from her face, and she has a sort of sexy-lethal expression -- like a human black widow.

Based in New York City, the magazine is called FHM. That means For Him Magazine, which would be the logical way to title the magazine except that the full title would infringe upon Alyssa's stunning portrait. The January/February issue of FHM takes a look at Las Vegas, with what it calls "Our 20-Page Insider's Guide To The World's Greatest City."

Here's a sample of what the New York magazine uncovered on its "insider" tour:

The edition covers similarly tired topics. A 36-hour casino marathon with a guy known only as "Tommy Z," an admitted gambling addict who, as the magazine states, "was $6,000 in the hole, had hocked his dead mother's ring and was still in debt to a 300-pound amputee named Frankie."

In his photo accompanying the story, "Tommy Z," looks much like the late Jason Robards -- at this moment. And what's this 300-pound amputee/loan shark reference? I'll suspend my cynicism and believe that in researching the article the writer was able to track down "Tommy Z" and a 300-pound loan shark/amputee. But how is it that every time a national magazine hits town, it magically uncovers such human spilth, while people who live here have hardly seen -- or even heard of -- the 300-pound loan shark/amputee?

What FHM neglected to mention was the balance of Las Vegas. That "there is an area known as Summerlin! Which is known to have parks! And schools! And (gasp) churches!"

But why would FHM bother with such information? It would have made as much sense as dressing Alyssa in a pantsuit.