Ex-Mormons connect

Stacy J. Willis

Monday, Feb. 26, 2001 | 11:19 a.m.

Helena Broadbent wanted out.

But her departure from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints cost her a marriage, her friends, and five years of emotional turmoil.

"I was born and raised in the Church in Utah. I was 'Molly Mormon,' " Broadbent, a Las Vegas accountant, said about her 25 years as a church member.

"But I had questions about the doctrine. I wasn't comfortable with the role of women and the history of discriminating against black people. And I wasn't satisfied with the answers I got from the church."

Like many ex-Mormons, Broadbent says that leaving the church was the most painful -- and most isolating -- decision in her life.

"Most of my friends dropped me like hot coal," she said. "I was absolutely shunned. And those that didn't shun me didn't have anything left to say because we didn't have the church in common to talk about anymore."

But Broadbent isn't alone. Ex-Mormons are networking worldwide through the Internet and meeting for national conferences here in Las Vegas. Saturday and Sunday, more than 100 Internet-linked former church members met at the Sahara hotel and casino for the 5th annual Recovery From Mormonism Conference, "2001 Ex-Mormon Odyssey."

The conference was hosted by a group of ex-Mormons who connected at http://www.exmormon.org who wanted out of the faith for a variety of reasons: "to gain dignity," "to escape mental control," or "to be more honest."

The website was started by Tennesseean Eric Kettunen in 1995.

"I had no idea it would become so popular," said Kettunen, who left the church seven years ago.

"I put it (the website) up thinking I would help a dozen or so people. But it just grew on its own. People needed a support group, I guess, and needed to know that there were others out there like them who have left and gone on with their lives and been OK."

Today there are more than 120 personal stories from ex-Mormons posted on the website -- tales of disenchantment with the church ranging from sexism to alleged sexual abuse, as well as links to other sites that take a critical view of the church.

The purpose of the conference, Kettunen said, is to allow ex-Mormons to meet face-to-face to support one another after what most say is a life-transforming decision.

"It's not like leaving another church," Broadbent said. "The Mormon Church controls your life when you are in it. And so when you leave it, it can be very painful. Everything you know to be true changes."

Las Vegas is home to more than 70,000 members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Worldwide, the church claims more than 11 million members. Faithful Mormons do not drink alcohol or caffeine, do not smoke and do not engage in premarital sex.

Will Stoddard, local church spokesman, said the conference was "unfortunate."

"The only thing I can say is that our hearts go out to those people who have had difficulty in their lives," Stoddard said. "Our hope is that they find peace."

"We certainly uphold the rights of citizens to have their beliefs. We would hope that they not do things that parody our sacred religious beliefs, but they have their liberty. We hope that they would see their way to come back into the church," Stoddard said. Conference attendees participated in mock ceremonies that satirize Mormon sacred rituals, as well as attend "testimonkey" meetings instead of the church's regular "testimony" meetings.

"Spoofing is a part of healing," the website says.

But the allegations many ex-Mormons bring against the church are serious.

Broadbent, who is now an atheist, said her reasons for leaving had been growing all her life. "A lot of people accuse of you dropping out because you wanted to smoke and drink and sleep around, but that wasn't it for me. It was the doctrine of the church for me."

Like many other ex-Mormons, she objected to the church's view of women, its history of polygamy and racism, and its "tendency to cover up its history and change doctrine," she said.

Women have specific roles in the church and are not allowed to be in the priesthood. Mormons say that women's roles in the church are as important -- if not more important than -- men's, and that each sex has different responsibilities.

"Well that's illogical. You're either equal, or you're not. You're not 'equal but different,' " Broadbent said. "And in the church, you're not equal. I just thought that I was seen as less important than my husband."

The church refused to allow blacks into the priesthood until 1978, and renounced its practice of polygamy in 1890. But ex-Mormons say they are given conflicting messages about polygamy's role in the afterlife, or Celestial Kingdom.

"I used to ask my husband, 'Will I have to practice polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom?' and I never got a clear answer from anyone. (Former church president) Brigham Young said you have to practice polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom," she said. "But they start lying about the church's history."

As to whether church founder Joseph Smith espoused polygamy, local spokesman Stoddard declined to answer.

"I can't say that I know for sure the answer to that question, and I really shouldn't speak on that. But the doctrine of the church currently is that polygamy is not practiced," Stoddard said. "We really don't see any benefit in recycling this discussion."

About racist doctrines in the church, Stoddard said that members "hoped and prayed that the Lord would give a revelation saying it would be OK (for blacks to hold priesthood positions), and that's what finally occurred."

Stoddard said God revealed to then-president Spencer Kimball that blacks could obtain the priesthood in 1978.

"They change things as they go along," Broadbent said."And I had a problem with that. At some point, I just knew the church wasn't real. And it sent me into a terrible crisis, because I was devoted to the church, and I wanted to be devoted to the church.

"I was suffering a lot. I didn't know about the website back then. It would have helped me because I thought I was totally alone," Broadbent said. "But I discovered that not only did I not get struck by lightning, I was happier than I'd ever been in my life."

The website is linked to a posting for Mormons to respond. And, they do:

"I recently converted to Mormonism and have never been happier. You are an insecure, jealous, frustrated, bitter piece of garbage," says one letter from a self-described practicing Mormon. "Only a completely insecure individual would devote as much time as you to such negativity."

Packham, an ex-Mormon who lives in Oregon, said the group isn't negative but empowering.

"All we're saying to those who are having doubts about the church is, 'Look, there are some facts that maybe you need to know. And one of those things is that it is possible to leave and have a better quality life,' " Packham said.