Columnist Ron Kantowski: XFL likely to succeed — as a TV show

Tuesday, Feb. 6, 2001 | 10:43 a.m.

Ron Kantowski's notes column appears Tuesday. Reach him at ron@lasvegassun.com or 259-4088.

Until the XFL lit the fuse on a keg of testosterone over the weekend, I only thought I was getting old. Now I'm sure of it.

For the record, I'm 44 and like football, the rock group AC/DC and cold beer. And I appreciate the female form as much as the next guy. Take any two of those and you've got the ingredients for an entertaining evening -- or a "smoker" down at the Catholic parish. But I just don't find it necessary to put all four together and call it sports.

Granted, my voice changed a long time ago and I've never painted my face (at least not for a sporting event), so I don't fit the demographic that Vince McMahon is after. And I suspect his football league -- er, production -- is going to survive (and maybe even thrive) without my blessing.

Especially if it becomes more like pro wrestling than it already is.

Why doesn't the XFL just do us all a big favor and put The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the lineup as defensive ends? Surely, they can't be any worse than that guy who had "Death Blow" emblazoned on his jersey Sunday afternoon. Plus, they've got cooler nicknames.

That way, we could get the XFL standings off the scoreboard page and cover the league the way it should be covered -- as a successful television series or a staple of the local entertainment scene, such as Siegfried and Roy or a "Crazy Girls" show or yes, the WWF.

Unless what transpires on the field somehow becomes more vital to the success of the endeavor than the shenanigans that go on away from it, the XFL belongs on the entertainment page, not in the sports section.

This week in the XFL

In fact, the hand-held cams made following the action more difficult than tracing the trajectory of the bullets on the Zapruder film.

By Sunday, the in-your-face cams were used prior to the snap and during replays only. If you take away the dozens of penalties, turnovers and mistakes, that almost made watching the Demons-Xtreme game bearable.

But from where I was sitting Saturday (in front of my TV set), had UNLV's Jason Thomas, Nate Turner and Jeremi Rudolph suited up, they easily would have been the best players on the field.

Orlando used the loophole on virtually every play, effectively minimizing any opportunity for the Chicago DBs to neutralize pass receivers with bump-and-run tactics -- another no-impact rules variation that is supposed to make the game more physical than its NFL counterpart.

What the XFL was looking for was players complaining about their teammates and/or coaches, such as Chicago's John Avery did when he implored Enforcers coach Ron Meyer to "throw the damn screen pass." But what it mostly got was unintelligible drivel and a few off-color remarks that the five-second delay didn't eradicate, such as one of the QBs complaining that the offense looked like "a Chinese fire drill."

I wonder how all those fans who bought season tickets in the Bay Area felt about that one?