Columnist Susan Snyder: Holidays: Girth of a nation

Tuesday, Dec. 18, 2001 | 8:12 a.m.

For years the health pundits told us we packed on an average of 5 pounds during the holidays. In 1999, researchers said it was more like 0.8 pounds.

Wahoo! Break out the Nut Goodies!

Then last week, the U.S. Surgeon General announced that health problems from being overweight threaten to reverse health improvements we've made. It soon may rival smoking as a leading cause of preventable disease and death, the Holiday Killjoys warn. Smoking causes about 300,000 deaths a year.

Put down that cookie! It's an epidemic -- at least until the next study comes out.

It probably is no coincidence that warnings about our expanding girth are released weeks after many of us have already blown it with a gallon of eggnog.

Some of us simply file it with all the other mixed messages: Be patrotic and buy lots of stuff, but don't go into debt. And there's the list of toys your kids actually want, but the Consumer Product Safety Commission says are sure to promote widespread death and corruption.

Still, plenty of us want to beat the evils of holiday snickerdoodles. Type "holiday pounds" into an Internet search, and you'll come up with more than 20,000 Web page responses.

Many of them -- OK, the 20 or so I actually opened and read -- tell you to set realistic goals and stick with them. (If reality is eating 22 of Mom's famous bourbon balls for breakfast, you may have rethink your priorities a little.)

One site recommends battling the urge to splurge by teaming up with a friend.

Do these people live in caves? (Oops. Can't make that joke anymore, can we?)

In three days, the conversation would go something like this: "Your boss is a jughead, and you deserve that cheesecake. We're going to the gym next week anyhow, right?"

Yeah, that's a plan.

"Keep a holiday journal," another says. Being aware you devoured six holiday cream horns while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" for the eighth time could keep you from overeating at this weekend's party.

Or, it could convince you that you've already blown it, so hand over that gingerbread boy. Off with his head!

The one thing none of these lists seemed to address is work food. Most were geared toward events for which you can mentally prepare or starve.

People make Aunt Mable's carmel gooey bars because it's "tradition," then drag down their coworkers with the plateful because they "don't want them in the house."

It's Monday. You overslept, stepped in cat vomit with your bare feet, forgot to buy coffee and discovered the load of clean underwear is still in the washer.

You arrive at work late, caffeine-starved and wearing raggedy underpants with no elastic. And here comes Dolly Madison The Desk Mate bearing a platter of homemade goodies. It's not holiday cheer. It's an ambush.

I called the U.S. Surgeon General's Office Monday to see whether they, too, are on the frontlines of the war against office goodies. I got voice mail.

Bet they were in the break room eating Auntie June's macaroons.