Review: Smiles, slight humor and Subarus in ‘Crocodile Dundee’

Geoff Carter

Thursday, April 19, 2001 | 11 a.m.

"Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles"

Grade: One star

Starring: Paul Hogan, Linda Kozlowski and Serge Cockburn.

Screenplay: Paul Hogan, Matthew Berry and Eric Abrams.

Director: Simon Wincer.

Rated: PG.

Running time: 95 minutes.

I can't say a thing against Paul Hogan. He seems like such a nice bloke. If I wouldn't rather be boiled alive in a pit of tar than be seen behind the wheel of a sport utility vehicle, the affable Aussie would almost certainly have talked me into a Subaru by now.

And yes, I've seen the first two "Crocodile Dundee" films and enjoyed them. The first, a leftfield 1986 hit (yes, it's been that long), was a funny, sly fish-out-of-water yarn that had Hogan punching, drinking and charming his way through New York. It made an unbelievable amount of money -- over $174 million in the US alone -- and paved the way for the sequel two years later; though less entertaining by half, it was still fun and I'll stop to watch it while flipping channels.

The prime attraction, of course, is the character. Hogan's urbanized bushman could win over any room just by wrinkling his eyes and flashing his very white teeth. Even the drug dealers, hoods and would-be muggers he vanquished in the two films seemed cowed by him, willing to roll over and play dumb. His implied threats ("That's not a knife. This is a knife") were delivered with that grin, those wrinkled eyes -- who wouldn't want to be trounced by Paul Hogan? He's a sweetheart, that guy.

I still like Paul Hogan after seeing "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles," though I wonder if all those beers and barbequed shrimp have caught up with him. "CD in LA" (Be the first on your block to use this handy abbreviation!) doesn't have a single thought in its head, a single tooth in its mouth or knife behind its back. It's a nothing picture that slowly evaporates as you watch it. You can't even get worked up enough to get mad at it.

And even if you could get angry, why would you? It's been almost 13 years since we felt anything for this character. Getting a visit from him is like getting a perfunctory hug from Hogan -- you wonder why he's doing it, then shrug it off: "Ah, he's just a nice guy."

If you've seen the title for the current film and either of the first two films (and why else would you have read this far?), a plot summary is unnecessary. But here goes: Mick "Crocodile" Dundee, a crocodile trapper and outback tour guide, leaves his native Australia for Los Angeles with his girlfriend (Hogan's real-life spouse Linda Kozlowski) and their eleven-year-old son (Serge Cockburn) for reasons so unimportant that even the movie seems to forget what they are. Good-natured chaos ensues.

Seriously, that's it, but for a few foibles: Aida Turturro in a meaningless, walk-on role; blatant, full-length commercials for Wendy's, Subaru and Pepsi; a chimpanzee and comedian Paul Rodriquez, who has considerably less to do than the chimp. And, oh yes, you also get every L.A. clichi in the book, plus bizarre cameos by Mike Tyson practicing yoga and George Hamilton babbling on about coffee enemas.

And strolling through this mess is Hogan, grinning and wrinkling. Man, he really is a nice guy. But he's got a better chance of getting me into a Subaru than he has of carrying this feature-length home movie to audiences who probably know him only as an SUV at this point. "Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles" is essentially a Hogan in-joke, an unseemly stunt from such a good guy. It almost makes you dislike him for the first time. Almost.