Columnist John Katsilometes: A quick trip to the edge

Monday, April 2, 2001 | 8:29 a.m.

John Katsilometes is the Sun features editor. His column appears Mondays. Reach him at kats@lasvegassun.com or 259-2327.

The mayor has an edge to him.

Not that it's immediately apparent. If you were to pass Oscar Goodman on the street you'd think, "Now there goes a big Huey Lewis fan."

But the label "Former Mob Attorney" gives Mayor Goodman his edge. When you casually tell visitors, "Our mayor is Oscar Goodman. You know, the former mob attorney," their eyebrows arch and they say, "Whoa." The response would be far more sedate if he were Oscar Goodman, "Former Grocer."

The thing today is to be edgy. The magazine is "hip and edgy." The talk-show host is "edgy and opinionated." It's comedy "with an edge." By affixing "edge," even the most unflattering descriptions take on an entirely different tone:

"You'll like Stan. He's sloppy-fat and spits when he talks, but he has an edge to him." Or, "Jane isn't big on grooming and is an antisocial pain in the arse, but that's part of her edginess."

Me, I'm not edgy. I'm the Marble Man. Try as I might I can't seem to get that edge. I'm Bob Saget in a Russell Crowe world.

But I'm finding all sorts of attempts at edginess. Piercing, for one. You can walk around in mismatched plastic sandals, cut-off sweats and a T-shirt that says, "My Parents Went To El Cortez And All I Got Was This Crummy T-shirt" but still attain The Edge by simply wearing a silver stud in your ear.

People see that and think, "Oh, an earring -- he's making a statement. That's edgy."

Or better, pierce a body part that's not visible, or is concealed by street clothes. Tell everyone, "I've been pierced -- but you can't see it." You can be a father-of-three Rotarian who owns a closet full of Haggar slacks, but wearing little hoops in your nipples will add "edge" to your "situation."

Swearing is edgy. The occasional profanity, timed just right, will give you an edge: "Yeah, I'd like two tickets to 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden (Expletive) Dragon.' " Who knows when Mr. Edge will spout off? "Is it possible for someone to pass me the (expletive) Cheez Whiz?"

You can also flaunt your edge by throwing an abrupt, highbrow reference into any conversation. If the discussion centers on a Nick at Night rerun of "The Jeffersons" seize the opportunity to veer left with: "That reminds me of an interview with (insert name of obscure jazz flutist) that I heard on NPR. Pretty (expletive) fascinating."

Deriding your fellow man is a sure-fire way to appear edgy. Let's say a group of friends are discussing local radio. Just fire off an edgy, "You know, Mark and Mercedes suck, big-time."

Does it matter that you have no idea if Mark and Mercedes suck because you've never heard them? No! But because you're so edgy (and opinionated), no one thinks to ask, "Have you ever heard them?" Or, "Why would you say that?"

(Qualifier: Mark and Mercedes have an edge because Mercedes is friends with The Wayner, who is a black belt in karate, which is also edgy.)

Men have the easy option of growing facial hair, another sign of implied edginess. I've grown a goatee (or, if you will, a Vandyke) and people have noted, "That's a different (read: edgy) look." Do I tell them the real reason I grew it, that my wife asked me to?

Nah. There's no edge in that.

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