Winfrey’s beau steadfastly devoted to teen wellness

Friday, Sept. 29, 2000 | 10:44 a.m.

Oprah Winfrey fans know Stedman Graham as their favorite talk show host's longtime boyfriend and sometimes fiance.

But Graham is much more than an escort for one of the richest women in the country. He is a successful businessman, a motivational speaker, an author and a man with a social conscience.

"I grew up with a race-based consciousness, thinking I could blame everything on white America," Graham said during a recent telephone interview (during which Winfrey's name was not brought up, per his request).

"I grew up with low self-esteem and a lack of confidence in myself. I didn't understand the process of success. I didn't understand the real value of education, which nobody explained to me.

"I grew up as a quarter of a person. I didn't grow up as a whole person because there was so much about life that I missed. I didn't understand the value of an education so I didn't know how that was relevant to my life. It was important for me to correct that and try to get ... young people to understand that."

Graham recently completed a book that he hopes will fill the void in the lives of young people.

"Teens Can Make It Happen: Nine Steps to Success," (Simon & Schuster, $14) was released Sept. 16 and eight days later hit the New York Times' best-seller list for children's paperbacks.

The author is in Las Vegas today for two private speaking engagements, one with students at Valley High School and the other with a group of community leaders.

"This is one of the most important projects I will ever do in my life," Graham said. "To be able to invest in our future and to begin to build a strong base for young people so they understand they have the potential to be anything they want to be, if they are willing to work for it."

Graham's latest work is a follow-up to his book for adults, "You Can Make It Happen: Nine Steps to Success," (Simon & Schuster, 1997), which outlines his philosophy about personal growth.

"It takes two key factors for you to succeed," Graham said. "You need a vision of the possibilities for your life, and a belief in your own capabilities."

The author, who played professional basketball briefly in Europe after graduating from college, knows a great deal about success.

He is chairman of Stedman Graham Training and Development, a company that conducts educational seminars designed to increase personal, professional and organizational effectiveness. He is also chairman and CEO of Stedman Graham & Associates, a marketing agency, and CEO of Graham Gregory Bozell Inc., an advertising agency.

Graham is the founder and executive director of Athletes Against Drugs (AAD), a nonprofit organization of athletes and other civic leaders committed to fighting substance abuse, advancing education and developing leadership in youth. He also as on the national board of directors of Junior Achievement Inc., an organization that teaches young people about business and economics.

"I've always been very involved with young people and community affairs," Graham said. "That's a big part of my life. It's kind of my way of giving back."

In his speeches and seminars, Graham shares his inspirational and practical approach for turning the dream of a richer and happier life into reality. He teaches his personal "Nine-Step Process for Success."

"Schools teach how to pass during the school year and how to get a degree, but they don't really talk about making education relevant to the world that the young people live in every single day," Graham said.

He said he wants to teach the process of success to young people and to show them how to apply it to America's free enterprise system.

"We need to reach them at an early age and begin to get them to understand who they are and what they should become in their life," he said. "To me, if you could get that at an early age -- 11, 12, 13 years -- you have a greater chance of success as opposed to getting it late. Most of us get it late in life, and some of us never get it. That's what we teach and that's why the book is relevant."

Graham said young people need to be taught to think and to look at things differently, based on new information.

"What we are trying to do is instill a belief system in them that they can be somebody. That's a big thing," he said. "The difference between people who don't make it and people who do make it is one thing, for the most part, and that's believing in yourself. That's the biggest issue right there. A lot of them may not believe in themselves because they have not been given the tools to understand."

Graham said his latest book was written after two years of observing students at Sherwood High School in Chicago.

"We did that so we could make the information relevant to the young people and to use examples in the book that talk about your people's experiences. It's not something we put together without thinking about how we can make this relevant to young lives and the world they live in every day," he said.

Graham said the first step of his nine-step plan is the most important.

"It is to check your ID -- understanding who you are," he said. "You can't do anything in this country, that you want to do successfully, until you understand who you are as a person. What is your passion?"

The second step, he said, is for the young person to create a vision of their future.

"It's hard to create a vision for yourself if you don't know where you're going or what you want to do with your life," he said.

Graham said he teaches that the personal development process to improve the quality of one's life is based on what the young person really should be doing, not what their parents tell them to do and not what society tells them to do.

"It is based on what their unique talents are, what their genius is," he said. "When I speak to young people around the country, they respond to this ... because nobody ever talks about them, nobody talks about their qualities and their opportunities based on what they bring to the table."

Graham said to get the attention of the young people, it is important to focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses.

"Nobody wants to hear about their weaknesses," he said. "But they will focus on what they do good, and if you focus on that you will get their attention."

Once he has their attention, Graham said his program teaches them to create success in their own lives, "which is really not about how many tests you take, even though that's a goal and that's a part of the process but it's not the whole thing."

It is important, he said, to get young people to think about life and what is going to happen to them if they don't have any skills.

"Nobody talks about the process of what happens when you are involved in life," he said. "We're not talking about finding a job -- they can get a job -- we're talking about really building a life and creating some balance in their life based on being a whole person and not a part of a person."