Where I Stand — Brian Greenspun: Retelling a rat’s tale

Tuesday, Sept. 26, 2000 | 9:39 a.m.

Brian Greenspun is editor of the Las Vegas Sun.

This rat thing in Las Vegas isn't funny. There, I've said it.

But you have to admit to a certain amount of humor in the news reports that rats are moving in to Las Vegas and people are going bonkers. I speak, of course, of the four-legged variety of rodent that scares the heck out of women, elephants and even the macho types among us, if we are man enough to admit such a thing. That's because the little creatures of the other world look so ugly and act much worse.

I wrote a few columns many years ago about a cockroach infestation at my home. I was befuddled about what to do to rid my kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms -- and any other place once fit for human enjoyment -- of the menacing creatures of the night. Every drain in the house seemed to play host to large families of what many believe are prehistoric and very unattractive bugs. Killing them, of course, has not worked. Otherwise they wouldn't have lived so long, and through so much. I cried out for help in this space and was deluged by letters from people who were similarly suffering and from college professors who had patentable procedures for removing them from sight, sense, smell and all semblance of life force.

Alas, nothing worked unless, of course, you count the incredible reader response. In that regard, the cockroaches brought with them a measure of circulation success at a time when it was needed but not expected. As for the cockroaches and their planned overthrow of my home front, they went the way of all bugs. The weather changed and they disappeared. I learned well from that escapade, though. The foundation of what was then becoming a new home was layered with a plastic covering thick enough to repel even the most ardent of the roaches from seeking refuge in my house.

This time it isn't a cockroach that seems to be capturing the attention of Las Vegans. The year 2000 has suddenly moved from a dragon to a rat, and the people I talk to are not very happy about the prospects.

Knowing full well that a family of rodents that sleep all day and work all night, scouring the valley for food and water, can easily fan out in enough directions to make all of us victims, it is not appropriate to snicker at the thought of all of the wealthy folks in Spanish Trail standing on their chairs, screaming for help. It isn't appropriate, but it is funny. The high end seems to be where the dirty rats have congregated, and where they are doing most of the damage. If they aren't contained, though, and soon, it won't be long before the rest of us will be seeking refuge.

Rats, to me, have always been something that a city like New York had a problem trying to deal with because all of the early movies and books would mention them in connection with the problems associated with urban slum living. The real-life stories, of course, were like horror adventures with rodents the size of small dogs wandering through the tenements looking for fresh kill. Other than the subway stories, the real nightmares in New York were the rats.

That's another reason to chuckle about our problem in Las Vegas. Where else but Spanish Trail should a low-class problem involving a much lower-class rodent rear its ugly head?

Health officials are playing down the effects of rallying rodents. Who can blame them? That's just what we don't need in the tourist capital of the world: stories about rats cramping our lifestyle. Actually, we've already endured those stories. Our prior rats also scared the people who lived here. They usually came out at night after sleeping most of the day away, and when you ran into them, by gosh, is was one of the more frightening moments of your life.

Las Vegas has managed to rid itself of the two-legged rats just in time to welcome their four-legged country cousins. This time, though, it may not be so easy to shake them. And that is where it becomes a serious problem -- and not just one that is good for a chuckle or two.

I don't know what can be done, but I sure hope the experts are doing all they can to keep this down to a nuisance. When a pest control employee, a person who should, more than others, know the full extent of the problem, says that "doggy doors could be a problem," that tells me that, one, he's got a great sense of humor and, two, we don't want to see what may be coming our way.

If rats can't live in areas that are sanitary, the answer is simple. People shouldn't have to live in unsanitary conditions, so making sure our neighborhoods are clean, free of garbage and other delicacies that could attract and sustain the rambunctious rodents should be a no-brainer. That does suggest a different question about why Spanish Trail is seemingly such a good host, but we won't go there. At least not while the rats have decided to camp out!

I suppose the worst thing we can do is ignore this thing and pretend it will go away by itself. It may. But if the rats decide that Las Vegas is as good a place to live as the humans they terrorize believe it to be, we could all be in for a long-term problem that none of us wants. That is why we should do what we can and what we are told to make sure that life in these parts is as unpleasant and unrewarding as possible for our four-legged friends. It may be enough to call the pest control folks when the rodents are spotted, but it may take more than that to make sure this doesn't grow beyond our ability to handle.

Now is the time for this community to get proactive. As funny as it seems, rats are not just a problem for the wealthy people at Spanish Trail. They, after all, can afford the pest control solutions that must be employed. What happens, though, if and when the furry folks travel across the valley and settle in places where people can ill-afford the bills to rid themselves of the problem? Get the picture?

The authorities seem to know where to find the rats now. All they need is the cover -- politically, mostly -- to make sure that spending what is necessary to rid the city of the little rascals will be supported by the taxpayers. After all, we live in a world where people who spend our money for good causes are damned as much or more often than those who spend it unwisely.

Think about rats in Spanish Trail (try not to smile). Think about how much you don't want rats in your neighborhood. Think what to do next!

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