Columnist John Katsilometes: Frustration can always ring true

Monday, Oct. 9, 2000 | 9:57 a.m.

John Katsilometes is the Sun features editor. His column appears Mondays. Reach him at kats@lasvegassun.com or 259-2327.

Whenever the phone rings at this desk, I'm reminded of Forrest Gump's famous box-of-chocolates line: You never know what you're going to get.

I hated that line.

Brrrriiiinng.

"Good morning, this is Helen from Taylor, Fife and Gomer Publicity in Los Angeles. Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"You caught me at a time."

"Good. We wanted to make contact with someone in your department about an exciting line of men's fragrances that just hit the market, Swarthy."

"Call me John."

"No, the product is called Swarthy. We'd like to send out some materials. Who is your male fragrance editor?"

"I would be the one to edit male fragrances."

"Good. Do you think this is something you'd be interested in writing a feature story about?"

(Thought: Only if we can develop scratch-and-sniff technology in our paper.)

"You never know. Send out the stuff. Fax over a sample if you like."

Brrrriiiinng.

"Good morning. This is Lenny from Laverne & Shirley and Associates in Milwaukee. Do you have a moment?"

"There is no time like the present."

"OK, we've got a product that might appeal to residents in your area -- Holy Roller Cheese Snacks."

"Let me guess. Swiss cheese?"

"Yes. And shaped like casino chips!"

"Amazing."

"Is this something you'd be interested in covering?"

(Thought: Yes, this is such a dry news town that we'd love to devote valuable time and space to a Wisconsin cheese snack product.)

"Send us whatever you've got and we'll, um, digest the information."

Brrrriiiinng.

"Yes, this is John from Matthew, Mark and Luke Communications in Chicago. Got a minute?"

"I'm a minuteman."

"We're doing some advance work on the upcoming U2 tour."

"U2 is touring? Since when?"

"Well, they're not exactly touring per se, but we do have a story with a Las Vegas angle if and when they do hit the road again."

"Well I hope they come to Las Vegas. That would be of local interest right there."

"But one of their roadies is a graduate of Durango High School, which is a secondary school in Las Vegas. Would you be interested in pursuing this?"

(Thought: Sure, our first question would be, "Is carrying Larry Mullen's snare a fulfillment of your life's destiny?")

"Go ahead and ship us a biography of this guy. Slip in some photos, too. Action shots if you can."

Brrrriiiinng.

"Hello. Is this the editor?"

"By title only."

"My name is Eugene."

"Who are you with?"

"I'm not with anyone. My wife passed away. I'm 90 years old."

"You're not a publicist?"

"A what? No, the reason I'm calling is for years my friends have told me I should call the paper because I've lived here forever."

"You're just a regular person?"

"You could say that."

"Sir, you just made my day."

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