Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Author’s parenting advice wise

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, Nov. 30, 2000 | 10:31 a.m.

Ruthe Deskin is assistant to the publisher. Reach her at deskin@ lasvegassun.com.

One of the joys of life is discovering something exciting and new.

Almost by accident I have become aware of a dynamic personality whose poetry has been on my list of favorite things to read for many years. I just never knew the other side of author Rae Turnbull until I read her book, "Be the Parent Your Child Deserves."

Almost any career young people choose demands prior training and education. Not so with the task of raising children. It is something we expect new parents to have as a natural gift, and many times they are overwhelmed and bewildered by the responsibility.

Turnbull realizes parents need help. She prefaces her book with the words: "I am a teacher and I know your children. I am a parent and I know you. For 40 years, while I raised my own children, I taught yours ... I watched the effort you made to be an effective parent and I watched as that effort became an increasingly difficult struggle for you."

She continues: "You sense that something is seriously wrong with today's approach to parenthood. Some of you seem to be doing everything right and you still see your children heading for destructive choices."

Her approach is that a parent's primary responsibility is to teach. The book details a program of how and what children should be taught.

Her innovative approach is the subject of a parenting forum, which she presents in many communities. Her book is instructive and challenging -- without doubt one of the best approaches that I have read.

Turnbull's philosophy is the backbone of her crusade to counsel young parents. She regards parental responsibility as the major issue in raising children.

As she explains: "We run to so-called experts, instead of looking within ourselves to see what harmful examples we're setting for our children by our own irresponsible behavior.

"You may have the best intentions, but good intentions alone will not raise a child," the author explains.

"In my 40-year teaching career, I've seen parents give up their rights to be the parents their children need. They wring their hands over violence and drug abuse and pray that their children will somehow manage to muddle through it. They keep hoping the problem will solve itself, or some educated expert will do their work for them. But the truth is, the parent must take that responsibility ..."

The author pulls no punches. Her methods are straightforward and carefully detailed so there can be no question as to her meaning.

"Be the Parent Your Child Deserves" is must reading for young people struggling with the art of parenting. The author asks that parents must be willing to keep the pledge which is repeated throughout: "I will be the teacher my children deserve. I will prepare them for their eventual independence by teaching them how to become self-reliant, self-confident adults, able to love themselves and others, willing to lead decent, useful lives and capable of pursuing their own happiness."

In the "nice things happen to good people" category, our congratulations to UNLV ethics professor Dr. Craig Walton on winning a Fulbright Fellowship. He will be teaching courses in American philosophy at the Friedrich Schiller University in Germany until July, when he will return to UNLV.