Columnist Susan Snyder: Pound for pound, a fun holiday

Saturday, Nov. 18, 2000 | 2:55 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Reach her at snyder@lasvegassun.com or 259-4082.

Maybe we should just abolish holidays all together.

Is it not enough that most American workers kill themselves in the days before a "holiday" just so they can take off a day or two without worrying that their careers will disintegrate?

Evidently not. First, we tainted Halloween by promoting only certain neighborhoods for trick-or-treating, leaving the rest of us with $40 worth of leftover candy.

Then store clerks wedged a handful of Thanksgiving decorations among the shelves of Christmas baubles they start shoving down our throats the day the Halloween candy is marked down.

Still, it is not enough. Last week The Experts told us Thanksgiving dinner is as likely to give Uncle Fred a heart attack as a sudden scare (like that time Aunt Mamie gave him a picture of her mother lolling around La Jolla in a bathing suit).

Seeing as how we're bent on ruining the holidays anyway, we might as well give The Experts some grins. So here goes:

They say the typical Thanksgiving meal carries about 3,550 calories. That's not the amount of calories set on the table. That's the amount many of us pile onto their plates.

The recommended serving of meat is three ounces -- about the size of a deck of cards. But most of us will consume eight ounces of turkey. So we start off with about 480 calories.

Add a cup of mashed potatoes (the first time) and 300 calories; a cup of stuffing (ditto on firsts) for 600, and three to four ladles of gravy, adding another 800 calories.

Three-quarters of a cup of sweet potatoes packs 300 calories, and half a cup of cranberries adds 200 more. Toss in that roll with butter (180 calories), a piece of pumpkin pie with whipped cream (540 calories) and one glass of wine or cider (150 calories), and ta-da! Two days worth of calories consumed at a single sitting.

Is this a great holiday or what?

For those who want to work it all off, the Medical College of Wisconsin has a chart on the Internet. It shows you can burn 100 calories by vacuuming or mopping the floor for 25 to 35 minutes or washing the dishes for 45 to 50 minutes (by hand, silly). Mowing the lawn with a self-propelled jobbie burns 100 calories in about 30 minutes, while one of the manual machines burns them in about 15.

You can wash and wax a car (preferably mine) for 25 minutes, wash the windows for 30 or play tennis for 25 minutes. Now all you have to do is find a way to perform 35 of these activities before you hit the sack Thursday night.

Or you could walk. Experts say that burns about 100 calories a mile. You can work off that turkey with a brisk stroll from the Stratosphere to downtown Boulder City. Take the dog.

The pundits at drKoop.com suggest taking preventive measures. Don't starve yourself all day. Cut extra fat by mashing potatoes with broth or skim milk instead of butter. Serve fresh fruit as a pie alternative. Bahahaha!

You can eat less by talking more and going easy on the alcohol. Booze makes you eat more. In my family, it also makes you talk more. (Not always a plus, however). But a nip might help calm old Uncle Fred.

I hear Aunt Mamie and her mother went to one of those nude beaches last summer. They're bringing pictures.