Columnist Joe Delaney: Recounting the comedic rise of Bernie Allen

Joe Delaney

Friday, Nov. 17, 2000 | 9:46 a.m.

Joe Delaney's column appears on Thursdays and Fridays. Reach him at 259-4066 or joe@lasvegassun.com.

Bernie Allen, headlining in the Riviera Comedy Club tonight through Sunday, is 84 years young, a hardy survivor of the comedic and other wars ... Allen was born on "toity-toid street and toid avenue" in New York City's Manhattan ... Never more than 5 feet 7 inches, short and squat, a human fireplug, Allen has never lacked for courage.

Just before World War II, married with children, he took a job at a shipyard as a welder ... He knew nothing about welding and botched his first attempt ... A kindly old foreman took a liking to Allen and taught him enough not to be dangerous ... He served overseas, was wounded and earned a Purple Heart.

It was a bitter cold Christmas night in France and several soldiers invited Allen to attend midnight Mass ... The Jewish soldier did not convert, but he did become a believer in the power of prayer ... The next day he received orders to return home ... He remains 60 percent disabled today.

After the war

Allen had a small luncheonette in the Bronx ... He found that he could make the customers laugh ... He also found he could prepare lox, eggs and onions better than anyone ... He told me, "The secret, Joe, is a little sour cream in the butter first" ... While at the luncheonette, he bet his local bookie $20 that he could crash the Jerry Lewis MDA Telethon ... The year was 1956.

Still wearing his white working coat, he went to the theater where the telethon was in progress ... Allen saw some men in similar white coats carrying trays of food into the backstage area ... He grabbed a tray and marched in with the others; walked up to Lewis on the air and introduced himself.

There was a TV set in the luncheonette and the surprised customers saw Allen making a pitch for MDA ...He returned and collected the $20 ... Betting horses cost him the luncheonette and he became a cab driver ... One of his first fares was boxing champ Rocky Graziano.

And then

Graziano introduced Allen to comedian Martha Raye ... They encouraged him to try his hand at comedy ... Allen worked the smallest, worst clubs in the area ... One of his best bits had him introduced as Germany's foremost nuclear scientist ... Out would come Allen wearing a German Army helmet, an oversized coat, carrying a huge bomb, speaking dialectic gibberish, insulting everyone and tearing up the place.

The late comedian Joe E. Lewis was being roasted by the Friars Club at the Waldorf-Astoria and Allen was given a ticket ... Lewis' manager spied Allen and asked him if he had his German getup with him.

Fortunately, it was in the trunk of his car ... He retrieved it, put it on and on a signal from Lewis' manager, burst into the proceedings ... It was hilarious pandemonium ... Frank Sinatra was there with Sands boss Jack Entratter and told Entratter to book him in the Sands Lounge.

At the Sands

Allen stayed on for 16 weeks and has lived here ever since ... He spent three years with Redd Foxx and Slappy White, first at Vegas World, then at the Hacienda ... He still concerns himself with the world, worries about the homeless and writes letters to the president.

Today Allen speaks softly and the audience laughs loudly at a man who can tell stories -- many-layered stories -- that make you laugh and think as well ... Spend an hour with Allen and his friends at the Riviera this weekend, laugh a lot and feel good ... And please support the Variety Club Radiothon on KQOL 93.1-FM today and Saturday ... See you next Thursday.