Q&A: Mother’s Way

Kimberley McGee

Sunday, May 14, 2000 | 10:46 a.m.

At Michelle Law's house, the pitter-patter of little feet sounds more like a roar.

Law, with her husband, John, has been a foster parent for eight years. The middle-class couple have had no less than 12 children in their home at one time -- six adopted and six foster children, ages 11 months to 16, call her mom, as well as her three grown biological children and a stepson.

Each child who comes through the thick, wooden front door of the Laws' sprawling five-bedroom home in Las Vegas has a story -- a story sometimes too chaotic for such young children.

"When they first come I let them adjust, do their thing," Law said. "But after a couple of days I lay down the rules and they listen. These kids want someone to watch out for them, they want parents."

The foster children Law watches over actually crave boundaries, she said. "They want to fit in, they want to be good kids."

Anger often follows these children from the places they have been, as does sadness, frustration and fear of what's next in their young lives.

On a recent afternoon as Law settled the children into afterschool activities, Anthony, a 7-year-old foster child who has been in Law's care less than two months, repeatedly kicked a baby stroller as Law was talking. She stopped and looked at him with a stare only a mother could muster. His foot slowed to a few thumps as he stared back. He rolled his eyes and apologized softly, and joined the other children in a game at the large dining room table.

"When they come into the house they are newborn, we start out with all the new manners because they don't know," Law said. "You can't get mad at them because they don't know any better."

The children who have been adopted out of Law's home over the years continue to keep in contact with the exuberant, 5-foot-2-inch redhead.

Law has a special privilege with Clark County Child Services to hand-pick the future adoptive parents for foster children in her care. With reassuring phone calls and a promise to always be there, she helps them ease into their new families, which she said can be the hardest part of adoption.

"They've finally found a place they feel comfortable and now they have to go somewhere else, again," she said.

The near dozen Law children ("They are all mine while they are here," she said.) sat dutifully, if not entirely quiet, around the breakfast bar in the kitchen, hands open for their after-school snack.

After they consumed the chocolate pastry they went off to play -- some sitting at the computer in the corner to play educational games; others wandering outside to talk to the two large parrots on perches or climb around on the two-story jungle-gym/tree house complete with swings. Law took a breather and the children somehow knew to leave her alone.

They hovered by an invisible perimeter around Law or sat silently next to her on the worn but comfortable couch as she talked with the Las Vegas Sun about what it means -- and takes -- not just to be a mother, but a good mother.

Las Vegas Sun: Why did you begin adopting children?

Michelle Law: What we have is a lot of love. It doesn't matter if you have a lot of money, it depends if you have water, structure and lots of love in your house. I told my husband nobody has more love than us.

So, we took children in eight years ago. We had already had our application in to adopt children and we were going to take siblings so that they could stay together. Our first child was adopted five years ago. We went down and looked at these little boys and Mom was pregnant with the fourth. (The Laws adopted the three boys and then the baby immediately after he was born.)

Sun: How do you take care of all these children with such different, and sometimes painful, backgrounds?

ML: I'm not a Supermom and my husband is not a Superdad but ... we have the experience to help these kids. I tell the (new) kids that I've not been a foster child, but everybody else here has and they can help you out when nobody else can. So our kids help that child so they don't have that pity, (which) you can get in the system. A lot of times everybody says it's somebody else's fault. We don't have that -- you are his, mine and ours and everybody has problems.

Sun: How do you manage 12 children every day?

ML: We have a schedule, a routine. They like to do (chores) because everybody else does them. They want to please people and everybody likes to fit in. Structure is the new word for discipline. You tell the kids the schedule and as long as everybody gets into the routine it's not like it's a punishment, they just do it.

Sun: Most of the children you adopt or foster are at-risk children. Why do you want to help these children in particular?

ML: They aren't bad kids, they just don't know anything. In our foster care system, people only want the good kids, no kids with baggage. I'm sorry, but every kid comes with baggage.

Sun: What does it mean to be a mother?

ML: It means I am doing something to save this world. I have had my own children, I have had a stepchild and I think that what you do with these children is just amazing. It's the most important thing you can do in your life. You are helping children who didn't have a chance. It's not about if they love you or like you, it's giving someone else a chance.

It's not because John and myself are super people, it's these kids who help each other out. We have made such strides with these kids. We've had severe-problem children, and if they know they can trust you it's a wonderful thing to see them blossom. We are just a safe house, we treat everyone equally.

Sun: How do you have enough love for all of them?

ML: I've always wanted to be a mom. It's not about blood, not about Mom and Dad, it's about who takes care of you when you are sick. When push comes to shove everybody gathers around. You have to stick up for each other. We just appreciate everything we have.