Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Parents could use lessons in parenting

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, May 11, 2000 | 9:53 a.m.

Ruthe Deskin is assistant to the publisher. Her column appears Thursdays. Reach her at deskin@lasvegassun.com.

Think about it.

You need a license or formal training or both to cut hair, catch fish, drive a car, get married, shoot ducks, practice medicine and law, teach, keep a pet, run a small business, open a bar, sell used cars, own a gun, care for the elderly or foster children, or even build a henhouse, among a host of other things. Yet, the most important career one can ever tackle -- parenting -- requires neither training nor a license.

Any two adults of different gender can get together and make a baby. No restrictions apply. And the parents might be totally unprepared and inadequate when it comes to proper care of the newborn.

I recall a day several years ago when a disheveled-looking couple came to the Sun complaining of officials taking their children away. Their story was confusing. The mother was illiterate and the father undeniably unfit to raise a family.

The true story of their plight was revealed when we contacted social workers, who told us a gruesome tale of five children living in a broken-down and filthy trailer on the outskirts of town.

A huge pot of soup bubbled on a makeshift stove. Apparently anything edible was thrown into the pot. The children, except for the baby, were taught to dip the food into a bowl whenever they were hungry, which was often. A tiny baby, covered with sores, lay swathed in dirty blankets. She needed immediate hospitalization to save her life.

Social workers said it was one of the worst cases of child neglect they had ever encountered.

There was no question that taking away parental rights was the only course. It was my uncomfortable task to tell the couple their children would be in foster care until such time as they proved themselves capable of caring for them.

The mother sat on a chair and wept while the father stormed and raged. These parents actually loved those children, yet had not the faintest idea of how to care for them. The family had been living like animals, depending on what the father could forage from garbage cans for food.

After the formality of court procedures and the breakup of the family, we saw the couple once more. They came looking for money. The mother was about eight months pregnant.

Granted, this was an extreme case, but it is evidence of the problem facing society -- that even the most caring parents might need lessons in parenting. With so many teenage pregnancies, it is vital that parenting skills be taught before these children have children of their own.

A mother of three understands the stress a new mother might have.

GiNie' Snow is the owner of New Mother's Helper. She started the service after having her second child and realizing the problems a new mother faces. Her service includes everything from running errands, light housekeeping and meal preparation to feeding, changing, bathing and anything that will give the new mother a break.

When she isn't busy caring for a mom and her new baby, Snow works with Family to Family, an extension of the Baby Your Baby program. "We help with the transition in the first critical months when the newborn comes home, and we help lighten the load," Snow explains. New Mother's Helper is not a free service, but there are counseling agencies that parents-to-be and new moms can turn to for help in preparation for a crucial career in parenting.

Commenting on a recent column regarding a dog caught in a steel-jawed trap, John Hutchings urges owners to be more careful with their dogs. He believes that outlawing steel traps is an erosion of our personal freedoms and warns against being "so much in a hurry to herald the downfall of personal freedom, for you may be the person for whom the bell will toll someday."

Like Hutchings, I also believe in personal freedoms, as long as they don't endanger the welfare of others.

What is the proper way to address anyone over 65?

Theodore Roszak, author of "America the Wise," has coined "senior old" for those in their 80s and beyond; "middle old" for the active retirees who bungee-jump while drinking cans of Ensure; and "new people" for the "Funny, we don't feel old" Boomer generation.

"Longevity is here, it is inevitable, it is good," he says. "Our task is to stop resisting the inevitable and to embrace the good." In other words, relax and enjoy.

And a reminder: May is Older Americans Month. So be kind to your senior friends.

Pat Arcuri asked me to remind readers of the 25th International Food Festival scheduled for May 20 at the Rainbow Library, 3150 N. Buffalo Drive at Cheyenne Avenue.

Ethnic food and drinks will be served. Costumes of member countries will be featured with many cash and merchandise prizes adding to the fun from 10 a.m. until 7 p.m.

Sponsors include the Nevada Arts Council and the National Endowment for the Arts. Tickets may be purchased at the door -- $3 per adult, children under 12 are admitted free.

Proceeds go to provide scholarships for worthy students.