Sound Check — Geoff Carter: Cue announcer: ‘You won’t believe this offer!’

Friday, March 24, 2000 | 9:38 a.m.

Geoff Carter's music column appears Fridays. Reach him at carter@vegas.com.

Fade in. Camera pulls in for tight shot of dopey-looking kid with blue Mohawk as Gary Numan's "Cars" plays on his headphones. The kid says, "You mean to say I get all these cool techno-pop songs on one cool compact disc set?"

Booming announcer voice: "That's right, fellow cyber-punk! Rhino Records presents 'Machine Soul: An Odyssey Into Electronic Dance Music.' Just look at what you get!"

For the next few moments we are treated to alternating scenes as song titles scroll upward: a woman staring intently at a computer, a pair of twentysomething girls with hair horns and Winnie-the-Pooh backpacks dancing with glowsticks, a bunch of guys gathered around a Mortal Kombat machine in an arcade, stock footage of tape reels spinning, the Mohawk kid taking money from his mother's purse, and a young couple running down the beach.

(Note to post-production team: Pull the latter footage from the "Soft Moods: The Sensual Sounds of Today's Soft Rock" commercial and do something funny to it -- tint it purple or something).

Announcer voice: "You get Kraftwerk's 'The Robots' -- not the track that began it all, but it begins our compilation, by God! You get to hear Donna Summer and Throbbing Gristle in the same musical context since Iara Lee had the insight to place them together in 'Modulations,' a superior techno music documentary!

"You get Depeche Mode's worldwide smash 'Enjoy The Silence,' because it was their first big hit after a decade of recording! You get recent tracks from BT, Paul Van Dyk and Uberzone -- the hottest new artists on the techno scene! And you get L.A. Style's annoying 'James Brown is Dead,' for no conceivable reason!"

Camera back on Mohawk kid, sitting in a smoke-filled car outside of a warehouse rave: "Wow, that rules! So if I get 'Machine Soul,' I'll understand the entire history of pop techno?"

Announcer voice, against footage from "Logan's Run," MGM, 1976: "Not remotely; are you serious? But you get some gnarly tracks, bro: Moby's ubiquitous 'Go,' M/A/R/R/S' deathless 'Pump Up The Volume' and the Orb's 'Little Fluffy Clouds,' sounding every bit as good in that commercial for the new Volkswagen Beetle!"

Shot of kid, bewildered, bent over his Beetle as a policeman handcuffs him: "I don't get it. Is it a good compilation, or isn't it?"

Announcer speaks over Underworld's "Rez," and footage of robots assembling cruddy-looking American cars: "It is and it isn't. It's a fun listen, but it's not really the historical document pop techno needs or deserves. Rhino has trod this ground before -- with the wonderful 'Music Futurists' disc -- and I had the same problem there, too: It wasn't nearly enough.

"Surely a company with the guts and the wherewithal to produce a four-disc retrospective of the Monkees has it in them to provide a true document of techno's amazing evolution. 'Machine Soul' takes a lot of good steps, but there's no follow-through. You never see the goal toward which you're supposedly advancing, the point at which techno sounds natural.

"I realize no two-disc set can accurately capture the spirit of techno, but I'm honestly surprised by what's missing from 'Machine Soul' -- such innovators as Vince Clarke (Yaz, Erasure), Trevor Horn (The Art of Noise, Frankie Goes To Hollywood), Willam Orbit and Blancmange just aren't here. Surely we could have lost L.A. Style and the Prodigy's lamest track ('Charly') to fit in some of these artists.

"Three discs would have sufficed; four would have been perfect. In fact, if you really want to understand how machines became musical instruments, I'd recommend you pick up two additional compilations: 'Music Futurists' and Disinformation's 'Best of Moog.' Try to rent 'Modulations,' too. Then you'll have the whole story."

The Mohawk kid stares ruefully out from behind the bars of the local drunk tank: "But I don't care about the whole story. I just want to have a token techno collection to round out my impressive stack of CDs, and to impress my girlfriend."

Narrator: "Well, kid, the truth will set you free." The kid flips off the camera. Cut to ordering information.