KISS’ farewell tour may be premature

Geoff Carter

Sunday, March 19, 2000 | 12:35 p.m.

You want to hear the truth? Go to the men's bathroom. That's where all the truths of male existence are revealed - standing at the urinals, moving steadily toward relief. Put Israel and Palestine next to each other at the urinals and you'll have peace within 35 seconds. Provided, of course, the parties involved maintain their aim.

Take, for example, the KISS Farewell Show, March 17 at the Mandalay Bay Events Center - a distinctively male rite of passage. The band of the hour had just blazed through a loud, tough version of "Firehouse" - the show was the loudest I've yet heard at Mandalay - and I made a quick trip to the men's room to - well, you know. It was St. Patrick's Day.

"They're just like they were 25 years ago," said a 40-ish man in a "Psycho Circus" t-shirt, two urinals over. "Man, there's no difference at all."

"You saw them in 1977?" the kid next to him asked, his tone beyond reverent.

The man, to his credit, didn't presume to correct the kid's math. "Yeah, yeah. I was there. It's like being there now. I told my girlfriend they'd start off with 'Detroit Rock City' tonight, and she said, 'You can't know that.' "

"And they started off with it," the kid said. "KISS f****** rules, man."

No offense to the band, but they're idiots if they actually quit this gig. There's absolutely no reason for them to do so. Didn't they see the writing on the men's room wall? The fans don't care.

It's not a Rolling Stones situation, where the band is so decrepit-looking that you wonder if the players will survive the show - though truth be told, Paul Stanley's face is a road map underneath all that Kabuki. Nor does KISS seem to be failing musically -- to my deafened ears, "Black Diamond," "Shout It Out Loud" and "Rock and Roll All Night" still kick butt.

And the show still looks good, too. The makeup and costumes still wear well, the pyrotechnics are perfectly synchronized with the corned beef and carnage (so few bands know how to use pyro correctly), and no other band will have the bolas to play in front of a Marshall stack that monsterous. Just looking at that mighty wall of amplifiers made me want to grow a mullet.

Chances are, this isn't the end. They're probably following The Who's example - a farewell show every two years or whenever Roger Daltrey's net worth dips. Lord knows KISS is entitled to that kind of job security, after a quarter-century of smokin' in the boy's room.