Columnist Susan Snyder: Don’t sweat it: It’s only money

Sunday, March 12, 2000 | 9:06 a.m.

Susan Snyder's column appears Sundays and Tuesdays. Reach her at snyder@vegas.com or 259-4082.

The first clue that this ain't your average model home tour is that some of the rocks are actually stereo speakers.

"Yeah, I've seen those at Disneyland," one unimpressed visitor noted.

Yes, one would expect to see those at Disneyland. But this isn't Disney. It is a subdivision -- oops -- that's, "Country Club Community."

Excuse moi.

If your usual round of golf involves stubby pencils, a borrowed putter and greens dotted with a windmill and a giant Scooby-Doo, Red Rock Country Club probably is not The Community for you.

If you think a wine cave is a hole out back where you hide the good stuff from your in-laws, this probably is not The Community for you.

If you think that other toity-shaped thing in the master bathroom is a drinking fountain for the dog, this definitely isn't The Community for you.

Still, taking a look at the kind of digs you can pick up for $500,000 to $1 million (not counting country club dues) can be a fun way to spend a rainy afternoon.

Or it can be a depressing one, depending on your outlook.

When you're looking to gawk rather than buy, there's really no reason to waste a lot of time slumming in the 2,155-square-foot model that starts at $274,000 (which doesn't include the $25,000 to $140,000 lot fee).

Head straight to the big kahuna -- a 5,300-square-foot dwelling with a base price of $597,000. That doesn't include a lot fee of up to $411,000. And it's not the biggest home available. It's just the biggest one you're going to see. The 8,000-square-foot model (with a library, among other things) starts at $900,000. "Ask a sales associate."

They need the laugh.

Homeowner association fees are about $175 to $195 a month, and country club dues are $50 to $450 (excluding initiation deposits of $3,000 to $42,000).

Buck up. It's only money, and you don't have it.

"Wonder what the fireplace is for," a fellow gawker said.

He wondered because he hadn't entered the house yet. The fireplace was outside the front door. Useful for entertaining the in-laws.

Once inside, you quickly realize the people who purchase this home come from another planet -- one where money sprouts on shrubbery. There is a projection TV room and a butler's pantry.

Stop sniveling. It's only money, and you don't have it.

The optional wet bar has its own dishwasher for avoiding the unpleasant task of toting a dirty glass 15 steps to the one in the kitchen.

"After all, what would the neighbors think?" one Sunday-looker whispered.

That's the spirit! But why was he whispering? It's a model home, not an abbey.

One drawback was the seemingly close proximity of the homes. Maybe they sell the side yards as slot canyons.

But they cast floodlights on the mountainside every night. That's part of the deal -- you shell out big bucks for a lot, and it has a view 24-7.

Stop laughing. It's only money, and you don't have it.