Columnist Ron Kantowski: NASCAR attracts Dummies

Thursday, March 2, 2000 | 10:36 a.m.

Ron Kantowski's notes column appears Tuesday and Thursday. Reach him at 259-4088 or ron@vegas.com.

Neophyte stock car fans who still can't understand a word TV analyst Buddy Baker is saying now have the option to learn the ins and outs of America's fastest-growing sport.

It's called "NASCAR for Dummies," the latest in a long line of similarly titled reference manuals expected to hit bookshelves just in time for Sunday's CarsDirect.com 400 at Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

Veteran driver Mark Martin is the book's author, which means he probably said a bunch of things into a tape recorder that were edited for publication. Yes, that's kind of what we do with the column Rusty Wallace "writes" for us every year, although I can assure you that those are Rusty's words, not some ghostwriter's.

I mean, did you ever see Hemingway -- or even Stephen King -- use words such as "floatier," "obsoleted," and "double throw-down, super-ultimate cool deal?"

That describes Rusty's enthusiasm for racing in Las Vegas and also our enthusiasm for making him a de facto member of our sports staff for one week of the year. And Rusty, if you're reading, drop in on softball practice or the Sun Christmas Party. It's a gas, prime rib and all the trimmings.

Don't know if Martin received a similar offer from the Dummies' staff, but these are some of his do's and don'ts that should make a race more enjoyable for new fans. (The parenthetical information -- which isn't Martin's -- will be included in a follow-up book, "Dummies for NASCAR.")

* Do prepare to leave early. I'm talking about the crack of dawn if the race is at noon. If you do this, you'll avoid the bumper-to-bumper traffic that clogs roadways for two hours or so before the race. (If the race happens to be in Las Vegas, you should also leave at the crack of dawn -- on Tuesday.)

* Do buy a race program to help guide you through the afternoon. Programs usually contain stories about the top drivers or teams, car numbers, paint schemes and lap charts. For about $10, this info can help you become a savvy NASCAR fan. (Or for that same $10, you can buy a beer and listen to the guy next to you. He knows it all, anyway.)

* Do bring binoculars to a race, no matter where you're sitting. Even if you have the best seats in the house, it's difficult to see the cars and drivers up close, especially at a big track. (Not to mention all the girls who dress like Elly May Clampett.)

* Do bring earplugs, especially for kids. NASCAR races are loud, with decibel levels that can rival the roar of an airplane engine. (Keep the earplugs inserted after the race is over. That way you won't have to listen to Earnhardt whine about the rules.)

* Do bring a radio or scanner if you want to keep track of the action. Wear headphones, though, because other fans don't want to hear what you're listening to. (Unless it's Lynyrd Skynyrd. Then you can turn it up real loud.)

* Don't bring any coolers that are bigger than 14 x 14 x 14 inches. (Bring a keg instead.)

* Don't throw anything onto the track. If you do, security guards will kick you out of the speedway. (There is an exception: If Earnhardt is running away with the race, hurling an empty beer can onto the track may bring out the yellow flag and allow the other drivers to catch up.)

* Don't curse and carry on. Remember that kids are in the stands and their parents don't want them to be corrupted at the race track. (There will be time for that at an NBA game.)