That’s Life — Steve Bornfeld: We were expected to care

Friday, July 14, 2000 | 9:01 a.m.

Steve Bornfeld is the Sun features editor. His column appears Fridays. Reach him at steveb@lasvegassun.com or 259-4081.

Darva, you see, is nekked in Playboy.

Therefore, as the Sun features editor, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, was the reason eager publicists for Playboy called this newsroom three times, breathlessly inviting us to dispatch an army of reporters and photographers to cover a publicity event in Las Vegas at which she was appearing.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, is famous. And the reasons for fame no longer matter. Only the fact of fame matters.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, has a fleeting kind of fame that could be usurped at any time by the next person who has similarly valid credentials for being famous, so we should capitalize on this opportunity before it evaporates.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, is important news, someone whose activities clearly are covered by that honorable journalistic dictum, "the public's right to know."

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, insists that she wants her privacy back, so we would obviously want to cover her while she insists on it.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, will sell many, many copies of Playboy.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, will also sell many, many copies of the Sun if we write about how she will sell many, many copies of Playboy.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, has obviously contributed something valuable, lasting and profound to our culture.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, has been on all of the major network shows, plus "Entertainment Tonight," "Extra," "E! News Daily," "E! The True Hollywood Story" and MSNBC, which is the reason why we should also report on her so our readers won't feel left out of the celebration of her accomplishments.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, was the star of a scandal. And "scandal" is now another word for "accomplishment."

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, is an intelligent, thoughtful woman with much more to her than simply having a pleasing shape that happens to be undraped in a national publication, and people will no doubt flock to said publication to drink in her wisdom.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

Darva, you see, may not be laying out any plans on how to fix the Social Security system, but she's more interesting to eyeball in the buff than George W. Bush.

Therefore, I was expected to care.

DARVA, YOU SEE, IS NEKKED IN PLAYBOY!

THEREFORE, I WAS EXPECTED TO CARE!

With apologies to all of those who therefore expected me to care ...

I didn't care.

Come to think of it, however, I did deem Darva important enough, in a twisted, perverse sort of way, to write this little column about her ...

And the publicists got publicity ...

And I fell into the media trap that apparently none of us in this business can resist ...

And Darva is, after all, nekked ...

Oh, the hell with it.

Hey buddy, ya wanna pass that Playboy over here?

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