Saturday, July 1, 2000 | 2:31 a.m.
CLEANER THAN than a hound's tooth.
As recently as a year ago Vice President Spiro Agnew was the "Mr. Clean" of the present administration.
In between lectures on standards of ethics for the press and the electronic communications media, he was taking a tough "law and order" line in speeches around the country.
It now appears that Agnew has somewhat of a law and order problem himself, and the rumor is opportunely powerful that he may resign from the nation's second highest office before another week is out.
He will not be missed.
While pillorying the press and berating evil-doers, Spiro was a popular figure on the banquet circuit and was a household word wherever the more conservative wing of the nation met. He was invited everywhere.
The demands of his time have slightly altered and he is now sought after by grand juries, criminal investigators and top White House officials who are pleading with him to take the easy way out. Even the President, who has all the faith in him one man on the hot seat can have in another singed confederate, would like to sacrifice him to the mobs who are yelling for the blood of someone in high office.
It's quite a turnaround for a man who was commonly assumed to be the front runner for the 1976 Republican nomination, since Nixon isn't eligible for a third term.
Agnew's eligibility for the White House has now assumed another direction although a house in still in the future, but one of size instead of color.
A leak in the Justice Department revealed that the vice president is under federal investigation for possible tax fraud, bribery and extortion in connection with kickbacks from contractors while he was governor of Maryland.
And all the President's horses and all the administration's men cannot squelch the Justice Department leaks that Spiro is in urgent peril of being indicted.
This is only speculation but it is my belief that even so arrogant a blusterer as Agnew will be less prone to discuss law and order if ever called upon for another public speech. Because if he doesn't go the indictment route, his image will be sufficiently tarnished by revelations that inordinate amounts of food and booze were regularly delivered to his home by "great admirers" who expected nothing in return. While another long-time admirer put up $15,000 so that Mrs. Agnew would attire herself in the manner to which she was accustomed when her husband was the county manager or whatever he was.
I have never been an "I told you so, guy" but my reaction to the vice president has always been less than generous. My guard instinctively goes up when smug little vice presidents spout high moral themes. I hold with Shakespeare that "Methinks he doth protesteth too much." But I don't hold with Marc Anthony that like Cassius, Spiro has a lean and hungry look. He is fairly sleek although he does not sleep too well of nights, now. Nor did our good vice president think too much, for if he did, he would have talked less and maybe he would not have gone the way of all who are tyrannical in their words and deeds.
Agnew has also expounded in much detail on the "work ethic" with the constant harping that those dependent on welfare ought to get off and are more bent on cheating the government than simply finding a job.
Unquestionably there are those who are receiving public assistance who don't deserve it, but the handouts they receive are minor compared to the "fringe benefits" it appears the good vice president has enjoyed -- not only as governor of Maryland but vice president of the United States and throughout his public career.
The Moving Hand has given and having given has now informed and all Agnew's piety and wit cannot lure back one word of grand jury testimony, nor all his tears and backlashing wash out a word of it.
Methinks poor Spiro has had it.
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