Where I Stand — Mike O’Callaghan: Not a case for courts

Sunday, Jan. 23, 2000 | 9:06 a.m.

Mike O'Callaghan is the Las Vegas Sun executive editor.

The headline reads "Parents vs. grandparents case goes to Supreme Court." Now isn't this an unnecessary mess? At first blush I'd have to agree that if nothing else, it's a shame that such a valuable relationship is even forced into our courts for a decision.

The only grandparent I knew died about the time I reached the age of 4. Orilla Berry was my mother's mother and she was a very special lady. She left an indelible mark on me with her warmth, love and patience. She ran her house, but always found time to pick fresh strawberries and bake bread for me. Her patience in teaching my sister and me to say our prayers in French will never be forgotten.

Strange, but despite the short time I knew Grandma her face and voice have never faded. Most of us can recall certain people, places and happenings from 60, 70 and more years ago. Some are bad memories and others are recalled because of the joy they bring us. Just thinking about Grandma brings back the smell of fresh bread, her warm hands on my face and freshly squeezed orange juice. Yes, and those same warm hands in the morning were cool and comforting as she cared for me late at night when I was tossing and turning with a high fever.

When this special lady died, she slept peacefully in the living room of her home surrounded by flowers. I didn't grasp the idea of death, but because she looked so relaxed, it became my task to tell the other grandchildren to be quiet and not awaken her. She had always made certain everybody in her house was quiet when she put me down for my afternoon nap.

My experience with one grandparent was so rewarding that I envied other children who had two, three and four grandparents to love and be loved by them. When my father's father died I hounded him for information about the man who raised him. Was he tall? Was he short? Was he strong? Did he work in the woods and mines with my father? What words of wisdom did he pass on to my father when he was a boy and they were fishing trout in a Northern Michigan stream? He did his best to answer my questions but hearing it from my grandfather along a trout creek would have been really special.

My children and grandchildren were fortunate because my wife's mother, Marjorie Atkinson, lived with us the better part of 25 years. Like my grandmother she expected the youngsters to behave and mind their manners, but always found an excuse for them if their parents became upset. She became Mom to all of us who lived or spent time with her.

Again, like my grandmother, it was Mom's hands and voice that were so comforting. A crying baby soon became calm and began cooing when placed in her hands and she hummed a tune. She sat through freezing weather, heat and rain storms watching our kids play games. Whatever they did she had an interest in their successes and failures.

Over the years my wife and I have had an open door and a place for our grandchildren to visit and stay. We have the opportunity to check their report cards from school and watch them play games. Never do our children deny them an opportunity to go fishing with us or spend the night in our home. They grow up and go their own ways, but they know our door is always open when they return. Over the years, we have come to realize that the love between grandparents and grandchildren flows both ways and we play an important role in the lives of each other.

Stephen Power, writing for Gannett News Service, told readers, "To some, the feud over Brad Troxel's little girls should never have gone beyond their Northwest Washington hometown. It was sad enough when the girls' father killed himself nearly seven years ago. Sad, too, when their grandparents sued their son's widow for visitation rights.

"But after six years of hearings, appeals and legal bills, a lawsuit that started in family court is set to culminate this week before the nation's highest tribunal, in a case that could touch millions of families." Power went onto write, "Whatever the legal outcome, the matter of Troxel vs. Granville has driven a permanent wedge between the girls' relatives."

Not only has a wedge been driven between the girls' relatives, what could have been a warm and rewarding relationship has been denied all parties involved in this lawsuit. We don't know how the Supreme Court will rule in Troxel vs. Granville, but the sad facts of the case are that so much love and companionship has been denied the grandchildren, grandparents and parents. Love and warmth denied during the formative years of a child is difficult to regain.