Dial File — Steve Bornfeld: Scruples on sale! Oh, the savings!

Friday, Jan. 21, 2000 | 8:59 a.m.

Steve Bornfeld is the Sun features editor. His television column appears Fridays. Reach him at steveb@vegas.com or 259-4081.

Oh, my heavens! Oh, my God! Oh, the horror! Oh, the shame! Oh, the perfidy! Oh, the humanity! Oh, Lordy! Lordy! Lordy!

THE EVIL FEDS TRIED TO LURE THE INNOCENT NETWORKS INTO INSERTING GOVERNMENT PROPAGANDA INTO THEIR PRISTINE PROGRAMMING AND CORRUPT THEIR INCORRUPTIBLE SOULS!

Oh, relax.

Sure it stinks: An enormously influential mass medium is seemingly for sale to the government at the possible expense of artistic integrity and creative expression -- that's an abridged summation of the common outrage from critics over the past week.

But this is TV we're talking about, not some dewey-eyed virgin. TV has always been as pure as New York snow -- in all its brownish-yellow-slushy glory.

Sometimes TV sells itself with call-girl chic, sometimes with street-hooker bluntness. But one way or another, TV always sells itself to bidders flashing fistfuls of green -- in this case, studly Uncle Sam and his ads-for-cash come-on.

In case you came in late, a recap: An investigative report last week by Salon.com, an online magazine, revealed that since 1997 the Clinton administration -- in the form of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy (ONDCP) -- was offering financial incentives for the networks to drop in government-sanctioned don't-do-drugs rhetoric into some of the most popular shows on the air, including "ER," "The Practice," "Chicago Hope" and "Beverly Hills 90210."

If the staff members of drug czar Gen. Barry R. McCaffrey (who reviewed some scripts and actual footage before broadcast) were satisfied with a show's message, they freed the networks from commitments to air public service announcements, or PSAs (think "this is your brain on ..." spots).

That's valuable air time that, when used in the name of civic responsibility, nets the networks no profits. But by gaining Big Brother's approval for its regular series content, networks complete a trade-off that wins them back ad time that they can resell for big-time bucks on the open market.

Of all the networks, only the WB -- in the series "The Wayans Brothers" and "Smart Guy" -- actually altered scripts to curry favor with the feds.

Not enough? Here's the kicker: This propaganda-for-pay arrangement -- agreed to by networks that self-righteously yelp about keeping their content free of government fingerprints, lest their creative integrity be besmirched -- was kept a secret from the shows' creative talent (producers, writers, directors) who were never given the opportunity to consent. Or scream bloody murder.

Buckling under the weight of criticism, the White House drug policy office "clarified" its future arrangement with the networks, as the Associated Press reported: "Under the new rules, the government will not review program episodes for such credits until after the program episodes have aired. ... The office also pledged that it would keep separate the process of granting financial credits from simply offering guidance to networks or producers who seek advice on how to portray drug-abuse situations."

McCaffrey's quasi-mea culpa: "We want to eliminate any misunderstandings and prevent any interference of federal intrusion in the creative process."

The value of the message -- DON'T DO DRUGS -- is not in question. No one on either side of the equation wants to see you sniff, snort, inject or inhale anything illegal and dangerous. What is in question: Is TV's soul for sale?

Well of course it is. Always has been. TV is, above all else, a business. Granted, it's particularly dicey having the age-old, art-versus-business debate when the business, in the case of television, is art -- even if "art" under these circumstances ranges wildly from "Great Performances" to "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."

Despite some admirable public service efforts (you've surely seen the spots with sitcom stars and drama divas extolling the virtues of parents, teachers and the nonsmoking life), the networks' main mantra is money -- they've never denied it -- so let's keep this in perspective.

The government has not, to anyone's knowledge, tried to bully its anti-drug campaign through television by threatening the industry with restrictive legislation or regulation. It simply offered the networks a deal that was good business.

Likewise, the networks didn't reach a tentative understanding with the NAACP recently to increase minority hiring and representation because they were under threat of legal action. But to ignore the issue would have been bad business.

The difference? The government deal -- COMPLY AND MAKE EXTRA MONEY! -- was positive inducement. The NAACP deal -- COMPLY AND MINORITY VIEWERS ACROSS AMERICA WON'T BOYCOTT YOU! -- was negative inducement. Also, special interest groups -- and what is the government if not a special interest group? -- have forever eyeballed network scripts to ensure the inclusion of their points of view. The euphemism du jour is "advising."

Despite the pleas of viewers and critics, networks murder off such marginally-rated series as "I'll Fly Away" and "Brooklyn Bridge" (wait for "Freaks and Geeks" to be next) that make commendable contributions to the culture and won't stoop to a common denominator to grab the mass audience. But the networks allow "Family Matters" and "Full House" and all their low-level, high-rated progeny to seemingly run in perpetuity. It's good business.

However, the industry squawked long and loud about consenting to voluntary warning labels for its increasingly "mature" material, with one network -- NBC -- downright refusing to use them, holding itself out as a beacon of artistic freedom and "protecting" its programming from what it perceived as the taint of government interference. That would be bad business.

Until the government flashed some cash.

Suddenly the heroes of "ER" are tsk-tsking over some Jack and Jill who overdosed on smack and pills. ("ER," BROUGHT TO YOU THIS EVENING BY THE FRIENDLY FOLKS AT THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT.)

That's good business. Principles are fine, but valuable ad time is divine.

TV is a business. And in business, almost anything -- morals, scruples, ethics -- is for sale.

Except the hypocrisy, which is priceless.

Croon a Tune: The 1947 movie starred Gene Tierney and Rex Harrison. The 1968-'70 series starred Hope Lange and Edward Mulhare. The name of both -- and of last week's regally cheery theme -- was "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir."

The series -- which co-starred the hilarious Charles Nelson Reilly as the ghost's nervous nephew, Claymore -- split its run on two networks, debuting on NBC in 1968 and moving to ABC in 1969.

"Ghost"-busting Tune Crooners were: Linda Noel (who noted of the theme, "and that's their dog Scruffy barking at the end"), Peter Green, Tony Varchetto, Robin Skelley (who opined, "great movie; OK TV series"), Joe "If I'm Wrong, I'm Wrong, But I Know I'm Right" Lacy, Doris Duffey, who said "thanks for letting me participate" (our great pleasure, Doris), Stanley Czapla and Penelope Wells.

Playing nothing but the cream of the themes, we continue on at the Croon a Tune hotline. Call 259-4012 -- it picks up after four rings -- for this week's entry.

Forget IQ. Test your Croon a Tune Q. It's sort of like Mensa for the pop culturally privileged.

Closing Credits: To botch the lyrics of an old pop hit, we love you more today than yesterday, but will we love you as much tomorrow?:

YESTERDAY: In 1963 ABC debuted a 90-minute series called "Arrest and Trial." Its two-part, 45-minutes-each format had cop Ben Gazzara collaring criminals in the first half, followed by legal eagle Chuck Connors trying to free 'em in the second half.

It lasted a season.

TODAY: NBC's "Law & Order" hits the height of its popularity, tinkering only slightly with the "Arrest and Trial" format (90 minutes cut to 60, defense attorney recast as prosecutors).

It's in its 10th season on NBC, with reruns seemingly airing at every hour on A&E, plus a spinoff series -- "Special Victims Unit" -- airing on both NBC and USA.

TOMORROW: Dick Wolf, the "Law & Order" producer who reinvented the flop as a hit and burgeoning franchise, is now peddling a new "reality-based" syndicated series for fall that will, as trade magazine Electronic Media puts it, "blend actual footage with re-creations and interviews to track criminal cases from investigation to arrest to court verdict."

Its title: "Arrest and Trial."

Its first case: The mystery of the dog that chased its tail -- and caught it 37 years later.

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