Columnist Ron Kantowski: Top Ten List from ‘91 takes a shot at Rebels

Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2000 | 10:23 a.m.

Ron Kantowski's notes column appears Tuesday and Thursday. Reach him at ron@vegas.com or 259-4088.

Last week, I made good on a Y2K resolution and cleaned out my desk. Actually, that's too strong a word. Let's just say I went through much of the stuff that had been accumulating there during the past 13 years.

It wasn't exciting as say, joining Geraldo Rivera for a look inside Al Capone's secret vault. But I did manage to find a Las Vegas Stars schedule magnet (too bad it was for the 1989 season), two packets of Arby's Horsey Sauce (unopened, so still good) and a dog-eared copy of David Letterman's "Altogether New Book of Top Ten Lists (which is exactly what is was in 1991, the year it was published).

Save for the dated references to the George Bush presidency, the lists seemed even funnier reading them for the second time -- especially when you got to page 72 and "The Top Ten Courses Taken by Basketball Players at UNLV."

To my knowledge, this list has never appeared in print (outside of Dave's book, of course, and perhaps Lute Olson's scrapbook). But here it is, in its entirety. So now you'll know why the rest of the country thinks of UNLV -- or at least used to think of UNLV -- as little more than a basketball factory.

* 10. Investigating Your Illegal Recruiting Money Wisely

* 9. NBA Team Mascots: Are They Really Big Animals?

* 8. Naming the Presidents Since Kennedy

* 7. Hydraulic Principles of the Keg

* 6. Your Ass from a Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study

* 5. The College Classroom: A Simulation

* 4. Nudie Paintings from the Olden Days

* 3. Copying Off the Exam of the Asian Guy in Front of You

* 2. How to Spell Tarkanian.

* 1. How to Choose the Best Free Car

* MAGNUM, RPI: When it comes to college basketball, the only computer rankings that count are the RPI (Rating Percentage Index). Without a high RPI, any team vying for an at-large berth at NCAA Tournament time is R.I.P.

Given the Mountain West Conference won't get an automatic berth until next season, you could say UNLV has at least a foot in the grave. And that was before losing to BYU at home Monday. Through this past weekend's games, the Rebels had an RPI of .5729, just fourth among the eight MWC teams.

The likelihood of four MWC teams receiving at-large berths is about as great as John Rocker speaking at the next NAACP, LULAC or Name Your Minority Organization Here convention.

Colorado State (.5922) has the MWC's top power rating at No. 41, followed by Utah at No. 43 and BYU at No. 50. New Mexico (No. 82), Wyoming (88), San Diego State (205) and Air Force (258) round out the MWC schools.

* BILL AND CAROL AND ... : With UNLV president Carol Harter one of the finalists for the same post at South Florida, I'd say now might be a good time for UNLV basketball coach Bill Bayno to put together a little winning streak.

If Harter leaves (she may be Bayno's biggest fan) and the Rebels continue to struggle, Bayno's security blanket might look a little tattered if a new sheriff rides onto campus.

* ON A POSITIVE NOTE: Kudos to Bayno for at least recruiting what by and large have been decent kids (if not great players) during his five-year run. He has to yet to compromise his values in the manner of first-year New Mexico coach Fran Fraschilla.

Last week, Fraschilla, under intense pressure to rebuild the Lobos into a national contender, said recruit Malcolm Battles still would be welcome on campus, despite the fact he has been kicked off his Okaloosa-Walton Junior college team for shoplifting a $179 stereo from a Florida Kmart.

Perhaps if kids knew they wouldn't be given a second chance by their coaches (or somebody else's coach), it would serve as a deterrent to criminal activity. And Kmart would be able keep its Kraco stereos on the shelves.

Another school of thought is that the NCAA could take a portion of those $11 billion CBS television dollars and give a little something back to the athletes who made it all possible. That way, guys like Malcolm Battle could afford to buy a cheap stereo instead of feeling compelled to steal it.

* BONUS COVERAGE: I said it before (during football season when the BYU-UNLV game from Sam Boyd Stadium was televised locally) but it deserves to be said again: Airing Monday's BYU-UNLV basketball game on local TV was a great deal for Rebel fans, but a great mistake from a marketing standpoint.

It was also a mistake on the scrolling Cox Cable viewer's guide, where it was listed as "IBL basketball: BYU vs. UNLV."

The only way local fans should get to watch a home game, especially when there are thousands of empty seats at the arena, is purchasing a ticket.

* McCANN DO: As good as BYU's Terrell Lyday played against the Rebels Monday night, my vote for MVP goes to play-by-play man Dave McCann.

Despite working for both schools -- the Channel 8 sports director hosts the UNLV football and basketball coaches shows and moonlights as the TV voice of the Cougars -- McCann's call of the game was like a Tiger Woods' tee shot -- pretty much straight down the middle.

It was a tough assignment but McCann aced it.

* A PRAYER FOR SAM: Michael Andretti or Jeff Gordon has never called to chitchat or agreed to meet for a beer, which is why the terrible injury suffered by Henderson racer Sam Schmidt in Indy Racing League testing at Walt Disney World Speedway last Thursday hits a little closer to home.

In layman's terms, Schmidt suffered a broken neck and is paralyzed from the neck down. He is connected to a ventilator to help him breathe. One observer described it as a Christopher Reeve-type injury, in reference to the actor who is a quadriplegic as a result of taking a spill while horseback riding.

Doctors, as they are wont to do, say it could be as long as five weeks before Schmidt's paralysis is termed permanent. But the prognosis isn't good for the 35-year-old veteran, husband and father of two small children.

Less than four months ago, Schmidt was at the pinnacle of his career. He had posted his first career win, in the Vegas.com 500 at Las Vegas Motor Speedway, and heading into the season finale at Charlotte still was in the running for the IRL season points championship.

But Schmidt became the victim of another driver's error, crashing hard and leaving the track in an ambulance with foot injuries so severe that parts of two of his toes were amputated during a series of surgeries. The injuries were called "devastating."

Who would have thought that would turn out to be such a gross overstatement?

* AROUND THE HORN: Las Vegan Jim Lykins has been selected to umpire the women's softball tournament at the Summer Olympics in Sydney, Australia. Speaking of the honor, Lykins, the Amateur Softball Association's umpire-in-chief for the state of Nevada, said he's "excited, anxious, apprehensive and nervous all at the same time." Sounds like a cocktail waitress at the Hard Rock with Dennis Rodman in town. ... Upon further review, the Tennessee Titans' "Lateral Move" against Buffalo Saturday was so close to the definition of a lateral that the play probably would have stood, regardless of which way the officials called it. ... Lock of the year, as confirmed by The Bonham Group sports and entertainment marketing group, on its list of predictions for 2000 and beyond: Pokemon will knock the stuffing out of Beanie Babies in the stadium and arena giveaway game, as teams offer patrons trading cards, trinkets and comic books in an effort to boost flagging attendance.