That’s Life — Steve Bornfeld: Courtesy not dead, but on life support

Friday, April 28, 2000 | 9:01 a.m.

Steve Bornfeld is the Sun features editor. His column appears Fridays. Reach him at steveb@lasvegassun.com or 259-4081.

"Thank you. ... I really appreciate that."

It wasn't the words that startled me so much as the note of, well, surprise they were wrapped in.

All I had done to earn the intensely grateful response was hold a door open for a woman and her children at the Sahara. No big whoop. But it apparently was to her, in a minor, everyday sort of way.

I was immediately gladdened. And just as quickly saddened.

Has politeness become such an unexpected pleasure? Has common courtesy become so uncommon as to elicit ... shock?

Why am I asking? Of course it has.

Except for the service industry -- whose members are compensated for courteousness -- we don't expect it of one another anymore. Courtesy now is an extra, not an essential. We're all acquainted with the flip side (derived from personal experience, but no doubt widely ):

But all of this is understandable, right?

We're such a harried society -- so rushed! so stressed! so time-starved! -- that courtesy became an unfortunate casualty, right? And when you've had a tough day, people need to cut you some slack, Jack, and not expect minor niceties, right? And because we work hard, we're entitled to play hard at full-throttle volume -- this is America after all, right? And the Evil Media with its sex and gore and rock 'n' roll and Howard Stern and give-'em-the-middle-finger philosophy has coarsened us right out of courteousness anyway, right? And, well, life is tough, right?

Or is it, perhaps, that in our exceptionally litigious society the slightest hurt committed by one citizen against another -- even one born of good intentions -- can land on a court docket? (What if I hold a door open for someone and it slips and pokes them in the fanny? That's a $20 million-per-cheek lawsuit!)

Perhaps The Golden Rule has been replaced by The Golden Legal Standard.

We can excuse it away all we want, but discourteous behavior debases us all. We can do better, and the solution is not all that complicated:

Move the cart. Let people pass. Acknowledge a nicety. Turn down the music.

And, yes, hold open the door. The words are lovely to hear:

"Thank you. ... I really appreciate that."