Columnist John Katsilometes: Linden and Jamie and Gans, oh my

Tuesday, Sept. 14, 1999 | 9:39 a.m.

John Katsilometes' column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Reach him at 259-2327 or kats@vegas.com.

To paraphrase Ricky Martin, today Urban Scrawl is livin' la vida nota:

Hal Linden has capably taken over the role of Billy Flynn, formerly played by Ben Vereen, in "Chicago" at Mandalay Bay. At 68 the Tony- and Emmy-award winning star of "Barney Miller" (which aired from 1975-82) is carrying a few extra pounds these days. With his silver hair, ever-present thin moustache and somewhat expanding waistline, Linden more resembles Jackie Gleason Lite than the television character he made famous.

But he was deft afoot and in strong voice during a recent "Chicago" performance, and afterward said he's comfortable being identified with his instantly recognizable TV character.

"If you're going to be known for something, it might as well be for something that was great and had class," he said. " 'Barney Miller' had both, as well as an unbelievable cast. It was one of the finest shows ever, and I'm proud to be a part of it, forever."

Linden is accustomed to being a part of enduring productions. "Chicago" has been a theater-filling production for nearly 25 years (the book that inspired the show was written in the '20s), largely because of Flynn's timeless character.

"He's part burlesque, which I grew up with and loved, and he's part Johnnie Cochran," Linden said. "I see a lot of the similarities between the two. Johnnie Cochran, like Billy Flynn, is hired to do a job and is great at it. I can't besmirch a person for that, not at all."

In this odd universe, let the record show that Barney Miller is a Johnnie Cochran backer.

Not to denigrate anyone's particular passion or obsession, but ...

A Sun story reporting the unveiling of the new "Star Trek" stamp in Las Vegas quoted a local resident as saying, "To see the 1701 original (U.S.S. Enterprise) ship on a 'Star Trek' stamp is a dream come true."

Now I've had lots of obtuse dreams. Cold-sweat dreams, harrowing dreams, semierotic dreams about Eleanor Mondale, seamless psychedelic dreams with tangerine trees and marmalade skies (these usually occur after dozing off while eating a double-garlic pizza and listening to "Sgt. Pepper"). But never, ever, have I dreamed about the U.S.S. Enterprise being depicted on a U.S. Postal Service Stamp.

And if I ever do, friends and family, you have my irrevocable permission to summon the Weird Patrol and have me put away.

Our home is finally receiving The Game Show Network on the super-extended Cox Communications cable package. The first program I spotted on the 4-year-old network was a 20-year-old repeat of "The $25,000 Pyramid."

The celebrity contestants were Jamie Farr and Jo Ann Pflug.

A word of advice: If you're ever arguing with someone convinced there is not an over-saturation of cable TV networks, merely point out that they're airing 20-year-old episodes of "The $25,000 Pyramid" starring Jamie Farr and Jo Ann Pflug.

The defense rests. *

A recent report out of Washington says that Rep. John LaFalce, D-New York, continues to push for a ban of automated teller machines from casino floors.

As LaFalce deduced: "Providing immediate electronic cash transfers not only feeds compulsive behavior, but makes it easier for problem gamblers to bet all their available cash, draw down their bank accounts and then tap into the available credit line of their credit cards as well."

This is true. Drawing money out of an ATM will indeed cause a bank account to diminish. This happens without fail. It is also similarly true that driving an automobile will cause the needle on the fuel gauge to gradually move from "F" to "E," a crisis Rep. LaFalce should also look into.

I would relate a hypothetical scenario to Rep. LaFalce. Let's say you're in a casino one evening and you have the inexplicable urge to bet on a football game. Let's say, for the sake of argument, the game is the college all-star East-West Shrine Game from Stanford, Calif. Let's say, again for the sake of argument, that your wallet is empty and the casino is devoid of a convenient ATM.

Do you forgo your strong hunch and not make the bet, or do you hustle out of the casino to find the nearest ATM and then return to make the bet? You get money and make the bet, silly. That's how gambling works. If Rep. LaFalce feels that removing ATMs will do anything but prompt casino bettors to wander out into the streets at all hours to withdraw large sums of money at the nearest 24-hour convenience store, he's never truly observed casino gambling.

A better idea would be to educate the public on the inherent risks of compulsive gaming and to seek out and treat those afflicted. But that would take too much work and commitment, I suppose. It's far easier (and politically expedient) to yank ATMs from casino walls.

Danny Gans, who has a veritable stranglehold on the Review-Journal's "Best of Las Vegas" award for "Best Entertainer," was given that very honor by the highbrow international magazine The Robb Report. The magazine honored Gans in its September edition, which features its own "best of Vegas" list (unlike the R-J list, Taco Bell was shut out by The Robb Report).

Mega-mimic Gans is also preparing for his second annual Danny Gans Invitational Golf Tournament, set for Sept. 27 at Anthem Country Club, to benefit Boys Town of Nevada and the Southern Nevada Junior Golf Association. Continually adding to his repertoire, Gans is said to be working on a Tiger Woods impersonation just for the tournament.

Did you happen to catch the photo that appeared in some newspapers last week of John McEnroe sitting next to Keith Richards at the U.S. Open? So strange, not because Keith Richards was attending a professional tennis match, but because ... Keith Richards is still alive?