Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Senior sex spices up magazine

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, Sept. 2, 1999 | 10:18 a.m.

Senior citizens are coming out of the closet if the latest issue of Modern Maturity magazine is an indication of a new attitude toward sex for seniors.

When I first saw the cover of the publication from the American Association of Retired Persons, I did a double take. A foxy redhead stares out with a come-hither look in her eyes. The cover is further sexualized by such come-ons as "Great Sex," "What Has Age Got To Do With It," "Who's Sexy Now" and an exclusive Viagra survey.

I have to tell you, the September-October issue cover would make Playboy buyers take a second look.

Inside, the editor explains why Modern Maturity has decided to explore the subject of sex for seniors. As a senior who grew up in an age when the word "sex" was taboo in mixed company, "gay" meant "joyful," mother was a sacred word, a Coke was a soft drink and the best birth control method for teenagers was abstinence, I admit to initial shock.

But why should Modern Maturity be any different than all the other magazines? Today everything from a toothbrush to tonic is advertised with sexual innuendos. For teenagers of my day, life was simpler. The excesses of modern society have made growing up a challenge, and it is difficult to equate the choices that faced teenagers years back with the complexities of life today.

However, the changing mores of teenagers is not the subject of this column. Back to Modern Maturity.

My initial shock wore off and I began reading some of the material. One writer reported that her husband had a heart attack and was told not to worry as he could still perform after angioplasty -- even without Viagra. All he had to do was to have his arteries (heart, that is) cleansed and prove himself by being able to walk two flights of stairs. Two flights and he is ready for a romp in the hay.

The first time he hiked the stairs and bedded his wife, the couple kept the phone handy in case they had to call 911. They did (make love). And they didn't (call 911). Scout's honor, that is a true story.

Oh, yes. There's a special course for the timid senior. It's called "Intimacy 101," a refresher course in the language of love. There's more -- much more -- but these titillating bits should make seniors want to go right out and buy a copy of the latest Modern Maturity and go for it.

As for me, I'm still laughing.

How I would like to be a fly on the wall when the men and women who call themselves old timers in the local media world meet for their monthly luncheon to exchange tall tales. What stories they can tell. Someone should be there to record the event.

Being a basketball fan is mighty frustrating when you are unable to attend the games. I hope fans turn out in huge numbers when the Lakers and Phoenix Suns play an exhibition game on Oct. 26 at Thomas & Mack. As I recall, the last time the Lakers played here Kareem broke the all-time scoring record for the NBA.

Wouldn't movie director Alfred Hitchcock have a ball with the Ted Binion murder case?

Reader Lynn Johnson offers this bit of humor: "An American has more food to eat than a man in any other country and more diets to keep him from eating it."