Columnist John Katsilometes: Ruminating on potential presidents

Tuesday, Oct. 12, 1999 | 9:41 a.m.

John Katsilometes' column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Reach him at 259-2327 orm

When Minnesota governor and former professional wrestler Jesse "The Body" Ventura ducked between the ring ropes recently to return to the World Wrestling Federation as a referee, pundits reacted with swift condemnation.

A politician? Officiating a predetermined WWF title match in front of 20,000 amped-up fans? How could the WWF stoop so low?

We're all familiar with the Ventura saga: a former Navy SEAL who was once paid $10 and offered free sex at a Reno-area brothel for his SEAL belt and who changed his name and became one of the most popular grapplers in the WWF, using his wrestling credentials (which consist mostly of shouting into a live microphone) to stunningly win the Minnesota gubernatorial race. Now Ventura is coyly hinting at taking a shot at the presidency in 2004 or, as the WWF would label it, "ElectionMania 2004."

What made Ventura's run possible was Ross Perot's brainchild, the Reform Party. Seven years ago Perot made a credible run at the White House before being reduced to an infomercialized caricature by Dana Carvey. Now his party is serving as the launching pad for the political career of a former wrestler who once wore a bandana, feathered boa, sunglasses and pink satin trunks to work.

The Reform Party has become the default political organization for any self-important celebrity who wants to do little more than change the world. Billionaire Donald Trump spent the better part of an hour explaining to a smitten Larry King about why he (Trump, not King) would make an inspired choice for the presidency. Trump's top choice for vice president? Oprah Winfrey. Some Reform Party members have even suggested recruiting Winfrey for the top of the ticket.

Former CNN "Crossfire" bulldog Patrick Buchanan, himself a perpetual candidate when not shouting it out with James Carville, also appears to be destined for the Reform Party.

Warren Beatty seems unable to commit (to announcing his political plans), but the entire electoral process has been shaken to the point that any person with a recognizable name or mystique-laden profession (such as mob attorney) can feel comfortable running for office. Even the top office.

Some folks who could and maybe should consider public service:

Tony Bennett. His legendary voice remains popular with kids as well as aged hepcats. Forget health care, how about one more "I Left My Heart In San Francisco"? Sinatra with a spotless image (although he might have to answer embarrassing hairpiece questions).

Kenny Kerr. Cross-dressing entertainer could fill the top of the ticket and make a pretty stunning first lady.

Steve Wynn. Wynn vs. Trump would be ideal. Mr. Bellagio Art takes on the Art of the Deal. Vegas vs. Atlantic City. Betting on race not only legal, but encouraged. With a Wynn victory, expect White House to undergo $1.2 billion facelift.

David Letterman. Could perform monologues about himself. "No. 1 reason why I should take a diplomatic tour of Australia: Elle MacPhereson!" Tough call for vice president, however, between Mujibur and Sirajul.

Larry King. Needs to be recast in a less-influential role. Too powerful in current position.

Bob Woodward. Inevitable self-investigation would lead to the uncomfortable conundrum: Can a public official/investigative reporter serve as his own unnamed, highly placed source?

Martha Stewart. Between pruning the apple trees out back, refinishing the dining room table and whipping up a fabulous spinach quiche, she hammers out a universal health care program with Congress. Then it's time to re-seed the back yard and apply an herbal facial mask.

Donny and Marie Osmond. As president and vice president, respectively. Support from extended family members alone provides powerful voting bloc. With some imaginative nationwide relocation, could produce an electoral majority by their second term.

Jerry Seinfeld. "Why are these meetings called briefings when they last so long? And If I'm the most powerful man in the free world, what does that make the pilot of Air Force One? Wouldn't he be the most powerful? Maybe I'm just the most powerful while I'm on the ground ..."

Kate Moss. Waif-like model would run on popular government downsizing plank.

Sam Donaldson. Could regularly ignore questions he shouts at himself, then rip himself on "This Week With David Brinkley" for being too evasive.

Robin Williams. Would spend first 100 days in a free-form, meandering inaugural address before returning to prepared text.

Jimmy Buffett. Election-night victory celebration would prompt the world's longest conga line. Promises that implementation of national dress code (Hawaiian shirts, khaki shorts, parrot hats) will "grow on people."