Columnist John Katsilometes: Hard-learned lesson in movie selection

Sunday, Oct. 10, 1999 | 10:39 a.m.

John Katsilometes' column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Reach him at 259-2327 or kats@vegas.com.

The opening scene in "My Own Private Idaho" is of the late River Phoenix performing a sexual act (the Lewinsky one) on another man. In mixed company, the tawdry scene creates a thick, silent and wholly uncomfortable ambience.

I know this from experience.

Several years ago I was entrusted by a couple who would become my in-laws to rent a movie from the neighborhood Blockbuster. This was during Thanksgiving, one of my first visits with my future wife's parents. The movie assignment served as a sort of litmus test, which I failed grandly.

Not having a clear idea of what type of holiday movie to choose, I went off to Blockbuster fully intending to stay in the movie mainstream. But I spotted the box for "My Own Private Idaho," starring Phoenix and Keanu Reeves, and read over the film's synopsis. It said Reeves and Phoenix were "a couple of young guys hustling their way across the country."

Hey, I thought, this could be pretty zany. Kind of like one of those old Bob Hope-Bing Crosby "Road To Zimbabwe" flicks. The boys play pool for money, cheat at poker, pick pockets and knock over liquor stores. We might even be treated to a "Dukes Of Hazzard"-type chase scene complete with squealing tires and banjo music.

I asked the kid at the counter about the movie and his one-word review ("awesome") sealed the deal. I proudly returned and announced, "This is a movie about two young guys hustling their way across the country."

We settled in and within five minutes we knew exactly what type of "hustling" young Mr. Phoenix was into. The movie was littered with homosexual sex scenes and I remember thinking, "Oh God, please stop jumping into the sack with Keanu Reeves."

Every few minutes I'd shoot a sideways glance at Charles, whose face was frozen in a pained grimace. I think he was thinking the same thing. The run time for this movie was listed at 105 minutes, and I sweated through every one.

But I did learn some valuable lessons about how to choose appropriate entertainment for new acquaintances (and even future family members):

I could've told them that.