Columnist Melissa Schorr: A long way from May to December

Melissa Schorr

Monday, May 3, 1999 | 9:45 a.m.

There's a gentleman I know, a man of a certain age, somewhere in his late 60s -- I try not to press.

You could say we have an understanding -- he buys me presents; I tell him I love him.

In the evenings, we rendezvous by phone. He calls me honeybunny. He likes me to call him Daddy.

There's a reason for that. He is my daddy.

But apparently, that's only because we live in the real world. If he weren't my dad, if we lived our lives up on a movie screen, if we'd met in some cute-meet way, we'd doubtless be involved in a hot romance.

At least, that's the conclusion one might draw from Hollywood.

It all began last summer with a slate of films like "Six Days, Seven Nights," "A Perfect Murder," "Bulworth" and "As Good As It Gets," all featuring female leads being romanced by men old enough to be their fathers.

Despite a round of protests at the time, the pattern seems to be rearing its ugly head again.

Here comes "Entrapment," a new film starring Sean Connery, 68, and Catherine Zeta-Jones, 29; this summer brings "Bowfinger's Big Thing," starring Steve Martin, 53, opposite Heather Graham, 29; and currently in production is "Panic," matching up Neve Campbell, 25, with William H. Macy, 49.

Apparently, what was once "cradle-robbing" is now called "casting."

Sometimes, I almost get the feeling that these producers are toying with us, straining to see how much of a May-December romance we'll buy. They must ask each other: What do you think, Walter Matthau opposite the Olsen twins?

Young actresses like Zeta-Jones tend to defend the practice, happy just to be cast. "There's a big issue that's made that isn't an issue there," she replied defensively when asked about this age gap at the ShoWest Awards in March, pointing to the "great movie magic" of Bogart and Bacall, Hepburn and Tracy. "I like older men," she declared.

Connery sidestepped the question with a joke. "Me, too," he wisecracked.

Easy for him to laugh. But I wonder if Catherine will still be so jovial when she hits 68 (or 38, for that matter) and the roles have dried up?

Of course, these pairings do occur in nature (although nowadays, they're facilitated by wonder drugs like Rogaine and Viagra). Love can be blind -- and chronologically indifferent. But what works for the glitterati can play pathetically off screen, where he's dismissed as a mid-life crisis victim and she's labeled a gold-digger.

If I were to try it, I can predict the outcome: My father would ground me from 3,000 miles away; my mother would be on the next plane out.

Still, it's hard not to take a cue from Hollywood when it imparts one of its valuable little life lessons, such as guns are glamorous and smoking is sexy.

So ... let's say I do set out to meet him, this fine older gent. How to go about it? You can't exactly ask your parents to set you up with that promising prospect at the senior center, the one flush with Social Security checks.

And in my own line of employment, older contenders are typically known as "superiors," and I believe there's some sort of policy against that (except at the White House, of course).

Ah, well. As the movies promise: Someday, he'll come along, that septuagenarian of mine.

If only he'd speed up his gait and get here already.