Thursday, June 10, 1999 | 4:43 a.m.
First published on April 18, 1998.
Guitarist / vocalist Dirk Vermin and bassist / backing vocalist Rob Ruckus arrive promptly at the Wet Stop at nine. Drummer Jerry "Turbo" Proctor is missing -- so nicknamed, Vermin says, because "he never shuts up."
At first meeting, you're almost certain that Vermin and Ruckus have been sent to kill you. Vermin wears a near-malevolent grin, while Ruckus' gravelly voice seems to betray a diet of nicotine, whiskey and broken lightbulbs.
And it doesn't help when Vermin greets a friend: "How you doing, man? Get the fuck outta here. Nice to see you've put on weight."
"That's the guy from Lethal Injection," says Ruckus, "the fattest band in town."
They're joking. "You meet us face to face," says Vermin, "and we're the nicest guys in the world." As tough, angry and tattooed as The Vermin look, they are proportionally charming, polite and ... well, tattooed. The jibes come from a genuine affection for entertainment, almost a kind of vaudeville. Their Wednesday night showcases at the Wet Stop are as ripe with harangues, putdowns and colorful language as they are with punk bombast.
"Our live show is half-comedy, half-music," Vermin admits. "We get up there and tear up the band that opened for us, the band that's going to follow us, people in the front row, people in the back who won't come up ... "
"Any radio station that might have sponsored the show," Ruckus cuts in, referring to a recent Extreme Radio showcase, during which the band took pains to thank The Edge and KUNV.
"One night, I waited almost ten minutes between songs, just to piss people off," Vermin fondly recalls.
And they won't start playing until "South Park" is over.
"I only come here Wednesdays because 'South Park' is on," Vermin chuckles. "I don't care if we're playing or not."
THE DYNAMIC DUO
Vermin's other claim to fame is his artwork. He draws a comic based around pin-up vixen Betty Page whenever he has some free time, placing the classic femme in the company of Adam West, Bela Lugosi, Sid Vicious, Captain Sensible and Ultraman. Lately he's been tattooing his range of interests on himself, Ruckus and scores of others who admire his distinctive style.
"Does some of the best portrait work in the world," says Ruckus sincerely. "That's why I still play with the old bastard -- so I can get free tattoos." "I just started on Adam West," says Vermin, showing off a cool illustration of the former "Batman" star on his arm.
"I love the fact that more girls are starting to get hip to The Vermin," says Ruckus, apropos of nothing.
"Yeah," grins Vermin. "We used to scare 'em. I think we still scare 'em, but now I'm married."
THE BIBLE
Those select women aren't the only ones frightened by The Vermin. Ruckus recalls a gig at the now-defunct Crash Corrigan's where he tore up a bible onstage. Vermin nods enthusiastically as Ruckus tells the story: his own distaste for organized religion finds voice in "God Squad," a song from the new record.
"The owner had a priest come in and literally bless the bar," says Ruckus. "He picked up all the pieces of the bible, took them out back and burned them, to dispose of them in the proper Christian manner."
"All the employees had to have counseling with the priest after we played," mutters Vermin. "Then, the (owner) calls me up and tries to convert me over the phone. I'm like, 'You hypocritical...'
"'How do you justify running a bar, with a bunch of underaged children and gambling in it? I don't know that much about the bible, but I'm pretty sure God does not endorse gambling. What's next, a holy-water shooter?'"
THE RECORD
"It was a nightmare getting this thing out," says Vermin neutrally. "We've been working on it for a year."
"The record label (BlackJack) folded," Ruckus interjects.
"The DAT got stuck in the recorder during mixdown," says Vermin. "Had to get the machine taken apart to get it out. And we still don't have the covers."
Released on Wood Shampoo records, an offshoot of the Behemoth label Vermin runs with his brother, The Vermin Vs. You! is a thing of beauty: a straight-up punk record, no bullshit, and no compromises. Think Black Flag and Angry Samoans, not Goldfinger and Green Day. Think Chuck Taylors and skateboards, not Sketchers and rollerblades. Think Alex Cox, not Richard Linklater. Think SST, not Kill Rock Stars. The Vermin answer to an older ideal, one that existed before punk rock was used to sell Mountain Dew and Volkswagens.
Which is not to say that The Vermin Vs. You! is nostalgia. Even as "Girl Says No" affords a peek into that bygone era, the band makes ready to boot your unsuspecting ass into the wall with the thick jazz of "Shaken Not Stirred." "Johnny's Thunder" comes up fast with a Dead Kennedys-style vocal and bashing drums, to finish you off. About the closest the band comes to a radio-friendly single is "Cowpoke," a rousing number about sodomizing cattle.
"It's the best thing I've ever written," says Vermin. "It's got more pure punk direction than anything I've ever done. I saw some old videos of Vermin From Venus (Vermin's former band) -- I couldn't even watch it. Nothing was going as it should have been; the band had lost direction. I'm glad I stuck it out, 'cause this is the best it's ever been." The Vermin Vs. You!, he adds proudly, was recorded in two days.
THE ASS DESTROYER
The Vermin are being stalked by a masked wrestler, the Ass Destroyer. He appears at The Vermin's gigs with some frequency, wreaking havoc on Ruckus.
"I hate the Ass Destroyer," snarls Ruckus. "This Ass Destroyer thing is getting way outta hand; this guy's gotta stop. I don't know who he is, but he's a terrible person. He's done some serious damage to me. Came out at the Bomboras show, knocked me out cold in the DJ booth. It was insane.
"The Ass Destroyer," he adds, "is a friend to none."
THE DRUMMER
"Jerry, where are you, man?" Vermin asks the air.
"He's out drinking gasoline, man," laughs Ruckus.
"Jerry was the kick in the ass this band needed. He's really energetic, even when he's not playing drums," says Vermin. "It's exhausting."
"The guy needs to take speed to fall asleep," says Ruckus.
THE SCRAP
Shortly after the interview, two knuckleheads almost get into a fight, one accusing the other of moving the cue ball. As quickly as the disturbance begins it is put down by the bartender and Ruckus.
"You got to leave, man," says Ruckus gently. The offending parties are thrown out and peace is restored without ceremony.
"What happened?" I ask Ruckus.
"What happened," he grins, "is that you interviewed The Vermin tonight."
THE PRESENT
Punk rock is: no time for leads, just get the song in two minutes, three fuckin' chords, catchy chorus and have a good time. That's the way it should be. - Dirk Vermin in SCOPE, January 1993
"I don't care about this being the next Seattle or any of that crap," says Vermin. "I just wanna put out good product and be in a good band."
"We don't wanna get signed," deadpans Ruckus.
"They're not beating down the doors to play 'Fuck You 2' on the radio," Vermin chuckles. "It's not gonna happen. "
Three of the nicest guys in the world, just trying to make a living. If there is a God, he or she must love The Vermin, because there's really no alternative.
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