Columnist John Katsilometes: Stern fan fouls JFK coverage

Tuesday, July 20, 1999 | 9:33 a.m.

John Katsilometes' column appears Tuesdays and Sundays. Reach him at 259-2327 or kats@vegas.com

In 1963 the quivering voice and unnerved image of Walter Cronkite was one of the most enduring memories of the assassination of John F. Kennedy. When Kennedy's death was announced many people vividly remember that it was Cronkite who distraughtly broke the news.

On Saturday in our house it was a similarly-affected Peter Jennings who provided distressing updates on the fate of John F. Kennedy Jr. It was a typically thrown-together broadcast of a breaking crisis, and for hours anchors like Jennings were forced to fill air time. They sought out any expert even remotely connected with the Kennedy family, or small-aircraft aviation, or high seas search-and-rescue operations.

Early in the coverage Jennings received what appeared to be a fairly interesting phone call from a man who identified himself as a U.S. Coast Guard representative. The caller was was quickly hustled on air and a map of the Martha's Vineyard region filled the screen.

Jennings asked the man where he was, and the guy responded, "Hyannis Port."

Jennings then started asking about the weather conditions in the area and was interrupted by this comment: "Do you know that Howard Stern thinks you're a (first name, nickname, of late President Richard Nixon)?"

There was enough shock and confusion already hanging in the air, now this. Not immediately believing what just happened, I turned to my wife, equally stunned, and the unspoken feeling for several moments was, "Did I just hear what I thought I heard?"

The culprit was, as Jennings said, a Stern fanatic -- a guy who goes by the alias of Captain Janks. He works at a gas station near Philadelphia and has no formal affiliation with Stern's radio or TV ventures.

It wasn't the first time Captain Janks has befouled the airways. He got through to Dan Rather earlier in the day, cutting a tasteless swath through his JFK Jr. report, and once interrupted a report on MSNBC soon after the death of Princess Diana by saying she was traveling so fast because she was trying to find a video store to rent Stern's autobiographical movie, "Private Parts."

What possesses a person to carve out this particular niche, to me, is a total mystery. The term "get a life" was never more appropriate than when discussing this bonehead. He even has his own website, filled with wonderful little tidbits, including a couple of photos of Captain Janks holding a cellular telephone.

He looks like a real twerp.

Stern has distanced himself from Captain Janks and was particularly upset that the twisted gas station attendant used the death of Kennedy -- a friend of Stern's -- to ostensibly promote Stern's show. Stern said as much on the air, but he also has played tapes of Captain Janks' high jinks on his show, so what form of divorce do we have here?

For Stern, this stuff is inevitable. He's brilliant at what he does, which is to explore the edges of shock and questionable taste. Normally it works -- he's never, ever boring and has a keen sense of how and when to use outrageous humor. He doesn't get enough credit for his self-deprecating nature.

But what happened Saturday should be alarming not only to Stern's rabid followers but to Stern himself. It was just wrong, and when it happened I felt guilty to be a fan.