Movie Guys: Crocodile tale of flaccid ‘Lake Placid’ is a crock

Friday, July 16, 1999 | 9:52 a.m.

The Movie Guys, starring Jeff Howard and Dave Neil, appears Fridays in the Sun (additional material provided by Thomas Feeney). You can also read their capsule reviews of movies in Las Vegas Weekly magazine. Plus, check them out online at lasvegassun.com/sun/sunlife/movies and themovieguys.com.

Grades: Jeff, C; Dave, D +

Starring: Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Brendan Gleeson and Betty White

Screenplay: David E. Kelley.

Director: Steve Miner.

Rated: R for profanity and graphic violence.

Running time: 85 minutes.

Playing at: Regal Cinemas Boulder Station 11, Regal Cinemas Village Square 18, Regal Cinemas Colonnade 14, UA Green Valley, UA Showcase mall, Las Vegas Drive-In,Rancho Santa Fe 16,

Synopsis: Welcome to Black Lake, where the placid waters complement the pristine Maine wilderness and the tranquil atmosphere. However, when a 30-foot-long, narrow-snouted, multi-toothed crocodile surfaces and possesses an appetite for humans, a group of experts are called upon to investigate.

Dave: It is unfortunate when a film has all the potential makings of an excellent thriller only to disappoint on all levels -- the biggest disappointment being that this lousy creature feature was penned by the multiaward-winning David E. Kelley, TV land's wonder boy, whose shows include "Picket Fences," "The Practice" and the ever-popular "Ally McBeal." Now, making the jump to the big screen, Kelley saddles his offbeat characters with a ludicrous storyline that places a monstrous reptile in the lake waters of Maine.

Jeff: I didn't want to know what lurked in Lake Placid before I saw the film. I knew it was a monster of some sort, but I had my heart set on something that came from another world, maybe a swamp-thing monster, or a creature that was horribly mutated, like the bears in "Prophecy." No, it was nothing cool like that. What we did get was a lost crocodile that took a wrong turn while swimming down the River Nile. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first movie fan to say I've spent many Sunday afternoons watching "Attack of the Giant Leeches" and "Grizzly" or nights at the drive-in watching "Squirm," about killer earthworms. Alas, this isn't the 1970s and nature-gone-wild horror films aren't as common as they used to be.

"Lake Placid" plays like a hokey '70s film with a ready-bake cast of characters called upon to rid the lake of the killer croc. You have the novice scientist who's sent into the field for the first time, the small-town sheriff, a unresponsive fish and game warden and the wealthy, eccentric professor who flies around the world to swim with crocodiles. I think David E. Kelley stayed up one too many nights with Joe Bob Briggs on the Movie Channel, watching the best of director Roger Corman. Corman does it better.

Dave: Bridget Fonda plays paleontologist Kelly Scott, who ventures north on her first field assignment, where a mysterious attack occurred. Once the big-city girl meets small-town Sheriff Keough ("Braveheart's" Brendan Gleeson) and Game Warden Jack Wells (Bill Pullman), blatantly setting up the fish-out-of-water routine, the three make their way to the deadly lake. As the investigation ensues, a ridiculous helicopter entry is made by an acquaintance of Kelly's, wealthy mythology professor Hector Cyr (another comic relief turn for Oliver Platt).

Now a foursome, they finally discover that their predator is a 30-foot crocodile, whose only vicious scene is when it takes down a grizzly bear and swallows it whole. Rather pre-climactic, actually. The film seems beneath the entire cast and crew involved, with its material riddled with dialogue fit for television (compliments of Kelley), as is John Ottman's score. The Stan Winston Studio does another fine job in delivering a realistic croc, making up the for its last disastrous effort, the apes in "Instinct."

Jeff: The grizzly bear that was snatched from the shore, as with all of the visual effects in "Lake Placid," are convincing, but the premise isn't. This film is nothing more than an 85-minute episode of "Picket Fences." We even have an ever-so-standard and mundane scientific explanation from our wacky professor about how crocodiles eat, behave and somehow get to the state of Maine via Africa. Kelley had to have been watching "Jaws" late one night -- his obvious inspiration for "Lake Placid" -- even going so far as to use a scene from "Jaws 2," when the shark attacks a helicopter and pulls it down under. The croc does the same here.

The film has its moments of dark humor: The ever good-natured and hilarious Betty White, who has taken a shine to the croc, has been feeding and caring for it for years. Hold on to your stomach when she leads a blindfolded cow to the water's edge, with the croc eagerly waiting. When our cardboard cast decides to finally hunt down the killer croc we begin the boring and tedious task of attracting him, with hopes at first of capturing or destroying it. They actually harness a cow and dip it in the water by helicopter, back and forth, in and out. Where was the Humane Society? What cruelty! By the movie's end I was rooting for the crocodile. Where was the suspense? This isn't even fit for the drive-in. Flaccid "Lake Placid" has no bite and isn't worth the trip.

Dave: In addition, veteran horror director Steve Miner relies on crude special effects instead of his natural ability to frighten. From "Friday the 13th" parts two and three to last year's "Halloween: H20," Miner spoon-feeds the audience with silly antics that range from a search party member losing his head and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it crocodile, to an ambush team looking to capture the beast with their backwoods trucks and real big shotguns. How unoriginal can we get? We can only hope that Kelley's next flick, "Mystery, Alaska" (due this fall), will reassure us that "Lake Placid" was simply an artistic blunder.

Name That Flick

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For this week who said this and in what movie: "Because yesterday she didn't, but today she does"? Have you heard it before? If you think you know, call the Movie Guys Hotline at 225-9026, or visit our website: themovieguys.com. Be sure to spell your name and leave your daytime phone number and if you're the first to answer correctly, we will print your name right here in our column for the entire Las Vegas Valley to read. See you next week!