Columnist John Katsilometes: A whirlwind trip through the ‘90s

Monday, Dec. 27, 1999 | 9:35 a.m.

John Katsilometes is the Sun assistant features editor. His column appears Mondays. Reach him at kats@vegas.com or 259-2327.

The '90s were such an ice-ice baby kind of a decade, a really wacky you've-got-mail, is-that-your-final-answer kind of decade.

Wayne's world! Excellent! Party on! Out with Johnny, in with Jay. Letterman survives the world's worst Oscar joke ("Uma, Oprah. Oprah, Uma.") Conan lives, as does Rosie, with Arsenio sadly peering through a locked gate.

Cellular phones, once a mark of audacity, are now so prevalent even I own one (it's roughly the size of a Hershey bar). I'm also so adept at surfing the 'Net that just last weekend I notched a winning score of 32,000 points playing Slingo, edging out BusyMom from Duluth, Minn.

What were the '90s? We spent most of the decade reheating other decades. New Year's Eve in Las Vegas boasts legends such as Wayne Newton, Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Carlos Santana and the Eagles, all of whom were famous long before the '90s even began. Such indestructible entertainers pave the way for Ricky Martin's inevitable, permanent residency in Las Vegas (I'm willing to bet anyone that Rick the Quick will be cashing a regular paycheck at a major Vegas resort in the next decade).

No, in the '90s we were occupied by nostalgia (the rerun-laden Game Show Network, "That '70s Show" and "Austin Powers" being chief examples). This year we were preoccupied by the turn of the century and the danger (or hoax) of Y2K.

What we're left with is a decade that zipped by in a blurr, largely ignored and soon forgotten but for a few crib notes:

Remember the "Scud Stud"?: Arthur Kent, who we hear is working with the NBC affiliate in Walla Walla, Wash.

A surprising lack of backlash: To lip-syncing. It killed the career of Milli Vanilli (which eventually helped prompt the suicide of one band member), but has become a generally accepted stage gimmick allegedly used by Madonna and Cher, among others.

Who would've thought this of Marky Mark?: Former teen idol and underwear model Mark Wahlberg became a credible actor.

Don't have a cow, man: If "The Simpsons," which debuted in 1990, had stayed true to its time line, Bart would be just about ready to graduate from high school.

Will someone please explain: How "Beverly Hills, 90210," has managed to stay on the air?

For sale, make offer: A 1991 Yugo. New tires. Low mileage.

This craze has officially crested: Cigar smoking.

Making room for the next craze: Pipe smoking.

No comeback for her: Paging Miss Lauper, Miss Cyndi Lauper.

Good use of Internet: Amazon.com.

Bad use of Internet: Chat rooms for Trekkers.

A scary episode involving computer games that actually happened to me: My 11-year-old nephew, who has been playing a Caesars Palace gambling game on his PC, innocently asked me, "If you've got eights to a nine, do you split 'em?"

A '90s icon I can't besmirch for his success: Tom Hanks.

Raise your hand if: During the past 10 years, you have not seen a photo of Madonna nude.

Can't believe I actually owned a tape by this moron: Andrew "Dice" Clay.

Seeing these on the road brings a smile to my face: The updated Volkswagen bug.

What we really DON'T need: Another baseball movie starring Kevin Costner.

On the other hand: We don't want "Waterworld II," either.

TV personality of the decade: Bob Barker.

The more I watch SportsCenter, the more I miss: Howard Cosell.

The Reasons I'm Glad I Don't Have Kids Hall of Fame: Ninja Turtles. Teletubbies. Blues Clues. Pokemon.

A guy who should've made other plans that night: Paul "Pee-wee Herman" Reubens.

A practice that, hopefully, ends with the '90s: Reunions of the cast of "The Brady Bunch."

I really believe we've maxed out on: The number of available cable channels.

This could get interesting: The new wave of "daredevils" led by Robbie Knievel, jumping across hotel towers and the Grand Canyon.

Out with mopeds, in with: Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

What will happen when: Tattoos, branding and other forms of irreversible body art drop out of style?

Fabulous television characters: Kramer. Norm. Niles Crane. Cartman.

This show has fooled a lot of people: "Friends."

One good way to screw up your keyboard: Cyber sex.

Careers that have run their courses: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Proof of P.T. Barnum's sucker-is-born-every-minute theory: Professional wrestling.

Don't fret, there's still: Tony Bennett.

I'd have jumped into this craze but for fear of dislocating a shoulder: Swing dancing.

Hope he invested wisely: Macaulay Culkin.

Still thinking of an alibi over a 9-foot putt: O.J. Simpson.

Hard to pick a side here: Lewinsky vs. Tripp.

Why are we not revolting?: I mean, $1.65 a gallon for regular unleaded?

Won't we be furious if: Compact discs, for some inexplicable reason, melt after 20 years.

Good luck in retirement and take Michael Bolton with you: Celine Dion.

Always worth a look: James Carville on "Crossfire."

An idea for airheads: Oxygen bars.

Just about out of annoying monickers: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince.

Movie of the decade: "Pulp Fiction."

Spent the last 10 years tripping us out: Michael Jackson.

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