Columnist Sal DeFilippo: Today’s kickers lose in the name game

Sal DeFilippo

Friday, Dec. 17, 1999 | 10:02 a.m.

Sal DeFilippo's pro football picks column appears Friday. Reach him at 259-4076 or sal@vegas.com

I remember the good ol' days on the NFL, when you could assess a player's performance in a game by a few simple numbers in basic categories.

Passing yards. Rushing yards. Receiving yards. Touchdowns.

But then a few smart guys with Pentium processors came along and changed statistics forever.

Last week, I was watching the Chiefs-Vikings game when the ESPN crew flashed this statistic on the screen: "Kansas City has won 48 consecutive home games when scoring at least 21 points."

What Poindexter sits around figuring that out? But that was just the start of things.

The next stat appeared when Kansas City kicker Pete Stoyanovich trotted onto the field to attempt a first-quarter field goal. I immediately recognized it as a jinx stat.

"Pete Stoyanovich has made his last 25 field goals at Arrowhead Stadium."

They might as well have told the holder to pull the ball away Charlie Brown-style as Stoyanovich approached it. It's next to impossible to make a kick once that kind of verbiage is plastered on the screen. Result: Miss.

The numerical torture extended to Monday night, when Jacksonville hosted Denver. As the Jaguars approached the Broncos' goal line late in the first half, these words pop up onto the screen:

"Jacksonville has scored a touchdown in each of its last 17 times it has reached the opponents' 1-yard line, the longest such streak in the NFL."

This is raging out of control. What kills me is the last part of that stat -- the implication that someone had to figure this out for all the teams, not just the Jaguars.

And then came the inevitable. Jacksonville kicker Mike Hollis walked onto the field and like clockwork, the statistic of all statistics is displayed:

"Mike Hollis has the highest field-goal percentage in NFL history."

There are at least 10 kickers that I see every week, in every attempt, where they flash that statistic. Gary Anderson has the highest percentage of all time. Morten Andersen has the highest percentage of all time. Jason Elam has the highest percentage of all time. It's ridiculous.

At least with the kickers, I know why this is true. They're in desperate need of attention. In simpler times, kickers made up for the lack of computerized rankings with interesting names. You had Ali Haji-Sheikh, Steve and Nick Mike-Mayer, Uwe von Schamann and Rolf Benirschke. For every John Smith kicker, there was a Chester Marcol. For every Ray Guy punter, there was a Zenon Andrusyshyn.

Today's kickers just don't have that flair. Take away Olindo Mare, Martin Gramatics and the aforementioned Morten, and here are the first names of the other 28 current NFL placekickers: Three Mikes, two Johns, two Jasons, two Dougs, two Chrises and a Kris, Adam, Al, Brent, Cary, Eddie, Gary, Jeff, Matt, Norm, Pete, Phil, Richie, Ryan, Steve, Todd and Wade.

Not one Garo of Errol or Efren among them. It's only natural that they all want to create an identity.

And on the subject of creating identities through statistics, how about linemen? Offensive linemen are charted for pancake blocks and number of sacks allowed. And defensive linemen are charted for practically every movement.

In Monday's game, Jacksonville linebacker Kevin Hardy had a few tackles and wasn't able to record a sack, but he sure did pile up some other impressive numbers. He had a "hurry," a stat created to tell you that he forced the opposing quarterback to throw the ball before he would have liked to do so, two "pressures," in which he nearly recorded a sack, but didn't quite wrap up the quarterback, and 3 1/2 "chases," in which he forced the quarterback out of the pocket. His chases enabled his teammates in the secondary to have several "passes defensed," a term created to show that a defensive back, is, well, defending, I guess.

I think Hardy also was credited with four "intentions of rushing," where he really thought hard about it, and six "attempted deflections," where he jumped really high, forcing the quarterback to change his passing lane. Toss in a few "intimidations of linemen" and that's a whale of a game for anybody.

It's too bad he was flagged for "running unabated at the quarterback," and the much more severe, "running unabated at the quarterback's mother."

I'd like to find whoever came up with all this stuff and just control-alt-delete them off the face of the Earth.

For the record

Another miserable week against the number (4-10) shows that I can stay in midseason form well into the latter parts of the season. Best bet Arizona was a no-show at Washington.

Top of the line: 6-7-1.

Against the spread: 86-105-7.

Over/unders: 108-87-3.

Straight-up: 110-88.

Top of the line

BUFFALO -3 at Arizona, under 37 1/2 -- The Cardinals are 2-13 against AFC teams in Vince Tobin's four seasons as coach, including 0-7 against the AFC East, where the Bills are in desperate need of a win. Buffalo 21, Arizona 9.

Other games

PITTSBURGH +8 1/2 at Kansas City, under 36 1/2 -- Finally, here's a stat that is meaningful -- Kansas City leads the NFL with a plus-19 turnover margin. In the 1990s, the Chiefs have 127 more takeaways than giveaways. But Steelers QB Mike Tomczak hasn't thrown an interception in 116 attempts and RB Jerome Bettis rarely fumbles, which should keep Pittsburgh close. Kansas City 17, Pittsburgh 10.

CAROLINA -8 vs. San Francisco, over 46 -- Another stat, this one possibly more surprising: Who is second to Curt Warner in the NFL in touchdown passes and yards passing? Steve Beuerlein, whose 25 TD throws and 3,483 yards have kept the Panthers in the playoff hunt. George Seifert sweeps his ex-club in his first season at Carolina. Carolina 31, San Francisco 20.

TENNESSEE -9 1/2 vs. Atlanta, under 39 -- Gee, Chris Chandler is hurt again. Super Dave Osborne avoided injuries better than this guy. The Titans clinch this first playoff berth since 1993. Tennessee 20, Atlanta 10.

MIAMI -8 vs. San Diego, over 37 -- The Dolphins have to dodge the Lightning Bolts in between their round-trip battle with the Jets, who they lost to last week and host on Monday night next week. They should have it on autopilot this week. Miami 27, San Diego 13.

CHICAGO +3 vs. Detroit, under 37 -- After using him sparsely and carefully throughout his rookie season, Chicago is throwing Cade McNown to the Lions this week. But McNown is hungry, too, and his scrambling ability could keep Detroit chasing a playoff spot for another week. Chicago 20, Detroit 15.

NEW ENGLAND -3 at Philadelphia, over 37 -- Donovan McNabb's injury is simply the NFL's way of keeping everyone from getting too confused, with McNown and McNair starting elsewhere. But if New England can't win this one, they're going McNowhere. New England 27, Philadelphia 14.

JACKSONVILLE -14 1/2 at Cleveland, over 39 1/2 -- More than two touchdowns is heavy lumber to lay in a game like this, but knock on wood: The Jaguars can't afford a letdown to maintain their one-game lead in the battle for home-field advantage in the AFC. Jacksonville 34, Cleveland 7.

NEW YORK GIANTS +11 vs. St. Louis, under 46 1/2 -- Jim Fassel is 9-0 in December and has the Giants playing their best when it counts again this season. Sooner or later the Rams are due to have a game where everything doesn't go right, and the Giants' defense is capable of obliging. New York Giants 22, St. Louis 20.

BALTIMORE -8 1/2 vs. New Orleans, over 42 -- There's still no U in Qadry Ismail, who had 258 yards receiving a three touchdowns last week at Pittsburgh, but he should help Baltimore to an easy W this week. Baltimore 33, New Orleans 19.

INDIANAPOLIS -6 1/2 vs. Washington, over 50 -- In a game filled with explosive players at skill positions, don't forget about the guys upfront. The Redskins were long known for the "Hogs" -- their talented offensive line -- but it's the Colts' front five that has become a forcefield. Two years ago, with Jim Harbaugh at the helm, Indianapolis allowed 62 sacks. This season, Peyton Manning has hit the turf an NFL-low 13 times. A shoot-out ends with the home team on top. Indianapolis 38, Washington 31.

OAKLAND pick vs. Tampa Bay, under 36 -- Despite falling out of the race, the Raiders haven't packed it in yet -- they played tough at Tennessee on Dec. 9 and the extra rest can't hurt. The Buccaneers have won six straight, which goes against what the NFC Central is about this year. They have to lose just to keep that division confusing. Oakland 17, Tampa Bay 13.

NEW YORK JETS +5 1/2 at Dallas, under 39 1/2 -- The Cowboys are unbeaten at home, but they aren't familiar with hosting the Jets -- this will be the first time the Jets have played at Texas Stadium since 1971, the first year the stadium opened. Emmitt Smith's uncertainty and the other Cowboys injuries make this a tough number to lay. Dallas 19, New York Jets 16.

SEATTLE +1 1/2 at Denver, under 39 1/2 -- Mike Holmgren gets a little revenge against the team that knocked him off the NFL pedestal in Super Bowl XXXII. Seattle 16, Denver 10.

GREEN BAY +5 at Minnesota, over 49 -- When these teams played on a Monday night last season in Green Bay, it was Randy Moss' coming out party. This year, the teams are indoors, but the loser will definitely be on the outside looking in as far as a playoff spot is concerned. Lots of offense, and the team with the ball last probably will win it. Minnesota 30, Green Bay 27.

archive