Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Relationship woes vex TV judges

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, Aug. 19, 1999 | 9:31 a.m.

Ruthe Deskin is assistant to the publisher. Her column appears Thursdays. Reach her at deskin@vegas.com.

TV judges, Judy and Mills Lane, seem to get a preponderance of cases involving relationships that have gone sour.

Some guy moves in with a gal without benefit of clergy, an act old time preachers referred to as "living in sin." They make a cozy living arrangement that lasts anywhere from a month to several years. They buy furniture and cars, take vacations and mix finances. Then comes the big letdown. One, or both, might find a new partner or the whole arrangement has soured. At this point the old adage of "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" proves to be a solid truth. And the gals aren't the only ones fueled by the get-even philosophy. Men vent some fury of their own for being dumped. It all ends in court with suits and countersuits over who owns what.

There's a moral here someplace. It might be that shacking together without benefit of clergy can become litigious once the bloom fades from the rose. Judging from the cases heard on TV, too many trusting women are showing their good faith by handing over that little old credit card so the guy can buy everything from a Harley to a dinner for two with a new love. The charges might be as innocent as a new set of Michelin tires for the car, a TV, or a refrigerator. Some of the cases are reversed: It's the guy who is the victim. These usually involve an elderly type whose young paramour has turned out to be a gold digger. I don't feel too sorry for an old guy who gets ripped off by a young chick. It's the wide-eyed innocents and spinster-type women who suffer the most.

Of course they should know better, but the insidious power of love can turn the most astute person into a dunce. Judge Judy has the right answer when she tells women to hold onto the credit card and get every financial agreement in writing. That includes rent, utilities and community property. The same goes for elderly men who have an eye for youth. It can be costly. I don't expect Judge Judy's advice will have too much impact on future liaisons among unwed partners; but when love flies out, fury flies in and yesterday's romance becomes today's catastrophe.

Certificates of marriage lessen the blow by legitimizing a relationship and making legal action less complicated if the partnership doesn't work. Judge Judy's counsel is solid and could save a lot of bitterness and heartbreak, but I doubt it will defer future cases of broken promises from coming into her court.

To anyone contemplating such an arrangement, my advice would be to keep your checking accounts separate, have everything in writing, hang onto the credit card and when the bum doesn't share the load, throw him out. That also goes for a guy stuck with a conniving bimbo. At random: Mayor Oscar Goodman's advisors should warn him to cool his remarks until his feet are firmly planted in the political sandbox. ... Ray Willis, who has been the guy we all looked to for honest answers on anything involving the school district, is resigning to take a job on the East coast. He has been a credit to the school district and a joy to work with because of his integrity. He will be missed. Thanks to Sun reader Wayne Mackey for this witticism: "What this country needs is more free speech that's worth listening to."