Dial File — Steve Bornfeld: Unexamined life is not worth TV

Friday, Aug. 6, 1999 | 10:13 a.m.

Steve Bornfeld is the Sun features editor. His television column appears Fridays. Reach him at 259-4081 or steveb@vegas.com.

Tonight on "The E! True Hollywood Story that goes Behind the Music time and time and Time and Again to present a Biography of all the shocking Mysteries and Scandals on the upcoming Everything - You - Never - Wanted - To - Know - About - Everyone - But - Were - Too - Indifferent - To - Ask Biography Channel":

Relive that fateful day we came together as a nation because Alyssa Milano got her training bra; recall those precious memories of Shannen Doherty throwing her first punch, wrecking her first apartment, getting arrested in her first nightclub and threatening to have her first fiance sodomized on their front lawn; remember the three-hankie moment when Dennis Rodman selected his lip gloss that very special day he married himself; The Chipmunks had it all -- fame, fortune, groupie squirrels -- but it all came crashing down when Alvin fell into the clutches of cocaine and Theodore solicited sex from an undercover chipmunk;

Hear David Spade's first snotty comment, a hint of the comedic brilliance that would rock the world; a nation is gripped with fear as supermodel Kate Moss eats a sliver of red meat, throwing her career into a tailspin; don't miss a teary Steven Seagal tenderly reminiscing about all the busted spleens and twisted vertebrae that made him the respected actor he is today; destiny embraces The Archies when they release the original "Sugar, Sugar" instead of its substitute, "Equal, Equal";

John Wayne Bobbitt shares the pain of separation anxiety; meet the real Monica Lewinsky, from her starter thong to her first kneepads to the boy toy she lovingly called Butt-head; porn star Ron Jeremy reveals his shy side, explaining how he overcame giggle fits with his first 5,000 women; "American Pie" guy Jason Biggs explains how he studied acting under Sara Lee; Howard Stern pours his heart out about his small penis in a less-than-penetrating chat;

In a poignant jailhouse interview, Robert Downey Jr. relates his dream of opening a pharmaceutical factory; a heartbreaking Katie Couric recalls her traumatic upbringing as the illegitimate love child of Florence Henderson and Mister Rogers and the stepsister of Jiminy Cricket, and her lifelong battle with terminal perkiness; enjoy a rare glimpse into celebrity cuddling as Anne Heche reveals that Ellen DeGeneres wakes up every morning with a cute little cowlick and gobs of eye crud; Prince, a k a The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, a k a The Artist, a k a some cockamamie symbol speaks out on the unbearable agony of being a multimillionaire slave to evil record executives and his regret over giving up a promising career as a circus freak;

Find out how ex-Cincinnati Mayor Jerry Springer climbed out of the muck of politics to embrace more dignified work; Keanu Reeves confesses his deepest desire to someday be an actor; Oliver Stone shocks America by revealing that a fiendish cable cabal is conspiring to bore the nation silly with mind-numbing celebrity profiles.

And tomorrow on "The E! True Hollywood Story that goes Behind the Music time and time and Time and Again to present a Biography of all the shocking Mysteries and Scandals on the upcoming Everything - You - Never - Wanted - To - Know - About - Everyone - But - Were - Too - Indifferent - To - Ask Biography Channel":

Find out that when everything and everyone rates as fascinating, nothing and no one really are.