Columnist Ron Kantowski: College football’s elite teams may bypass UNLV

Tuesday, April 20, 1999 | 11:08 a.m.

Former Cal State Fullerton football coach Gene Murphy used to call them "body bag" games. At other mid-major conference schools, they are a life preserver which can keep a football program afloat in a sea of red ink.

At UNLV, intersectional college football games against powerhouse programs have been both. But given what has been happening at the University of Hawaii, Rebel fans can expect more North Texas States and fewer Tennessees on future UNLV schedules -- at least until John Robinson can put a winner on the field.

Blame it on the Bowl Championship Series. As Kansas State learned last season, an unattractive schedule may work for Greyhound or Continental Trailways, but college football teams who play one probably will choke on diesel fumes. Teams with a slate full of patsies aren't going to play on New Year's Day under the complex BCS formula.

Hawaii is the first fallout victim. Last fall, Virginia reneged on an agreement to play the Rainbow Warriors in Honolulu. Now, Notre Dame (which has struggled to beat Hawaii) wants out of a contracted 2001 game.

Their nation's-longest losing streak having reached 18 games, the poi boys are no longer a desirable opponent for the nation's elite. Similarly, if UNLV doesn't improve on its 0-11 record of last year, the Rebels may find themselves in the same scheduling coconut.

The 1999 nonconference docket already reflects it, but that's probably more by accident than design.

UNLV, which in recent seasons has played notables such as Tennessee, K-State, Nebraska, Wisconsin and Southern Cal, this year will have four sprigs of parsley -- North Texas, Baylor, Iowa State and Nevada-Reno -- on its nonconference plate.

So where's the beef?

Outside of Arizona, which UNLV will meet in 2001, none of the nonconference foes UNLV is slated to play over the next four years can be thought of as BCS material.

In fact, outside of Arizona, the most attractive opponent listed on future UNLV schedules is TBA -- To Be Announced. The Rebels have yet to fill open dates in 2000 and 2002.

* IN LIKE CLINT? Now that the Thunder is leaving town, all-Thunder lists are like sports utility vehicles -- everybody's got one.

But anybody who leaves Clint Malarchuk or Radek Bonk off his list of Las Vegas on ice personalities should be given two minutes for shortsightedness.

Malarchuk had a solid career as an NHL goalie before coming to Las Vegas. He was one of the Thunder's most popular players in addition to being an ambassador for the franchise and even coached for a spell.

The barrel-chested Bonk, also an original Thunder, scored 42 goals here as a 17-year-old rookie and had every teen-age girl in braces wearing his No. 76 sweater prior to signing with the NHL's Ottawa Senators.

If I were making a Bud Light commercial, both of those guys would be on my list.

* NAKED WATER POLO: At least the Thunder never resorted to "The Full Monty" in an effort to raise money and prolong its stay in Las Vegas.

Colombia's financially strapped national water polo team, trying to raise enough cash to attend the world championships, is promising to doff its swim caps -- and trunks -- in a striptease show patterned after the movie "The Full Monty." Only women will be admitted, at $12 a ticket, as the team attempts to raise the $32,000 needed to make the trip.

Whatever happened to a good old fashioned car wash?

* STERN TALKING TO: If Las Vegas resident Paul Tracy thought chief steward Wally Dallenbach treated him unfairly when he set him down for rough driving on the Championship Auto Racing Teams (CART) circuit, just wait 'til Howard Stern gets a hold of him.

Tracy, who was knocked out of Sunday's Toyota Grand Prix of Long Beach during a mid-race pit road collision with Michael Andretti, and wife Liisa are scheduled to appear on the shock jock's radio show later this week.

But they could easily wind up hitting it off. Tracy and Stern both have an affinity for extreme rock music (Tracy even pals around with the likes of Smashing Pumpkins and Mettalica). And Liisa Tracy, with her model-like looks and figure, should be able to keep the host entertained, should Stern want to change the subject from turbocharged engines and passing on the high side to ... well ... whatever it is that Stern likes to talk about.

* JUST LIKE THE OLD DAYS: When the Cubs-Reds game last Thursday was rained out, the Cubs decided to get a jump on a road trip to Milwaukee -- by hopping on a bus for the short 90-mile jaunt up Interstate 90-94.

Imagine stopping at a roadside Stuckey's or cheese stand and bumping into Sammy Sosa or Mark Grace.

Now that would really be first class.