The Age of Rage

Kimberley McGee

Wednesday, April 14, 1999 | 10 a.m.

Oedipus may have supplied history's first vivid example of road rage when he was asked to move out of the road by a passing royal carriage.

Rather than slide to the side, he slayed the passengers.

Las Vegas drivers may not be killing each other, but as the streets become more congested and drivers feel more boxed in, managing anger may be a matter of life and death.

And that's why "The Many Faces of Anger: A Clinical Skills Conference," at the Las Vegas Hilton Thursday through Saturday, will explore why we get out of control and provide advice on how to quell the raging tide of emotions.

The seething motorist with his freeway style of justice may be a symptom of the faceless online society's influence on human society, says Jane Middleton-Moz, conference co-chair and author of "Boiling Point -- the High Cost of Unhealthy Anger to Individuals and Society."

When the red Honda cuts you off, instead of seeing the neighbor or co-worker who could be behind the wheel, you see an object that disrespected you, as if your presence on the road doesn't matter, as if they are better than you and you are going to show them ...

"If you actually saw, or knew (other drivers), you wouldn't be doing that," Middleton-Moz says. "Many people are feeling more and more helpless in a culture that seems out of control."

Everyday road blunders trigger vulnerability and a sense of powerlessness, she says, adding: "There is a sense of learned helplessness in our culture."

People attack faulty cash machines and berate slow traffic lights and passing cars as they try to get home, quickly. "Where are they going so fast?" she says. "You end up screaming at the car next to you only to go home and yell at your children."

Although technology is designed to make our lives easier, it also takes a sense of control and connection with others out of the daily equation.

And, let's face it, a lot of people turn to anger because, well, it works.

"Many people faced with aggression scatter or give in," Ward Swallow, a local psychologist, says.

But bullies beware: four-wheeled tirades could indicate a larger problem.

"It's rare that someone who exhibits road rage doesn't have anger in other parts of their life, too," Swallow says. "Some individuals don't have a strong enough inner voice that helps them mediate their behavior."

And that's behavior that's almost accepted now by a society that has moved away from common courtesy.

"We've lost some politeness in our culture as a whole," Swallow says. "Because of the loss of the extended family, (courtesy) isn't passed down anymore."

And the notion of lending a hand to someone in need, while still good for the soul, doesn't seem commonplace anymore. "Ask people how that felt when they help, and they say 'wonderful, it was incredible,' " Middleton-Moz says of the bonding that occurs when people get together and help each other, something, she adds, that has been lost over the last half of the century.

"It's gotten to the point where you don't just walk next door and see if you can help," Middleton-Moz says. A friendly gesture by a stranger is at the very least an awkward gesture and at the most a fearful encounter.

"Most of us are afraid when someone comes up and does something quite natural," she says. "We've built our fences higher and higher to where an offer to help is extraordinary."

Middleton-Moz makes a point of helping harried mothers in grocery stores and malls as they juggle children and chores. The initial reaction is alarm at a stranger wanting to hold a bag or soothe a child.

"People are exhausted and yet there is no sense that there is help around the corner," she says.

Commuters rush home and connect with a computer user in France, but can't seem to walk next door and connect with their neighbor, who may want to watch the kids on the weekend in return for a ride to the senior center. Instead of enriching our lives, technology has inadvertently chipped away at the basic human bonds, she says.

"(Spiritually-minded) television shows like 'Picket Fences' and 'Touched By an Angel' have been on top in the ratings for a long time," she says. "That is from a craving for a sense of connection with each other."

C. C. Nuckols, Ph.D. a co-chair at the conference agrees. "We are in a spiritual crisis -- there is a big lack of predictability and an overwhelming amount of stress to deal with day to day," the psychologist says.

"People get angry when they feel like they are losing control, when they are fearful or feel inadequate," he says. "They look for a strategy to regain control."

For instance, when a wife asks her husband questions that are making him uncomfortable, he may revert to yelling to get distance from her, physically and emotionally.

"If someone is in your face, you get out of the way," he says.

As a boy, Nuckols says, he would lie in bed in his dark room during his parents' late-night screaming matches. Years later, as an adult, he noticed that when he encountered anger, he wanted to retreat to that dark room, with the emotions safely behind the door.

"I wanted to understand and control anger," Nuckols says.

And what he has learned about that emotion could fill books. As a matter of fact, at the conference, the three-time author will draw from his recent publication: "Healing an Angry Heart."

To bring unruly emotions under control, we have to unravel behaviors we learned while growing up.

"We are so dependent at that (point)," Nuckols says about childhood. "We learn to manage fear, get angry and seek attention or withdraw and later in life we see the same modus operandi."

Anger is a natural reaction as we go into fight mode, he says, and there are certain physiological signs almost everybody experiences: a tightening of the neck, increased heart rate, slick palms or nervous twitches, and repeating negative phrases in our heads such as: "The world is out to get me."

"When a person is angry, they are in the flight or fight mode, they start to say things to support that anger," he says.

Taking responsibility for your own anger -- even when the man in the tan Volvo merges into your lane incorrectly -- is the key to controlling it.

"Anger is like a train rolling down a track and there are different tracks a person can take," Nuckols says.

"We can slow things down, we can relax, we can walk away."

Let's be careful out there.