Clinton reflects on life

Trude B. Feldman

Saturday, Sept. 26, 1998 | 10:26 a.m.

Editor's Note: This one-on-one interview with President Bill Clinton was edited for length by Sun Washington Correspondent Trude Feldman.

The first 10 days of the Jewish New Year are given over to the 10 Days of Repentance. The culmination, on the 10th day, is Yom Kippur -- Day of Atonement, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar. It is a time to take stock of one's life and to evaluate one's role in society.

Yom Kippur also is the Day of Judgment, when one petitions God to help humanity solve its spiritual crises. It is a 24-hour period of fasting and individual soul-searching and the seeking of atonement.

As the "10 Days of Repentance" approached, America's 42nd president, Bill Clinton, sat back in his chair and pensively reflected on the power of repentance.

The occasion was an exclusive interview last week in the Oval Office of the White House, during which the president was forthcoming and straightforward in answering my questions.

He spoke like a man determined to keep his position as the leader of the free world until Jan. 20, 2001.

He is convinced that the United States, and the rest of the world, will be better served if he is able to continue at the helm.

He also is convinced that his personal problems will make him a better husband and father and a better human being.

His resilience was something to behold. His demeanor was serious and somber and he says he is yearning to make amends that will redeem him. Religion, spirituality and prayers were uppermost on his mind.

Following are excerpts from the 45-minute interview in which the president showed determination to make amends and convey his regrets. He said he is going through a searing personal experience and that he is focusing his efforts on re-earning the trust and esteem of his family and the American people.

Question: A central part of the liturgy of Yom Kippur is The Confessional -- an appeal to God to forgive, pardon and grant atonement to all who pray. Simple, yet comprehensive, this majestic prayer lists 44 sins -- committed during the past year -- that we enumerate for ourselves and our communities.

What is your reaction to such a prayer?

Answer: Given the unusual public situation, which I now face, all the prayers of the Yom Kippur liturgy sent me by clergymen are helpful. These prayers confirm the fundamental truth that the human condition is one of frailty and of a propensity to sin. It is something that I share with others. But, most important, is not that I can say, "Thank God that I am not the only sinner in this world." Rather, it is that I can believe in the reality of atonement and in the ultimate gift of forgiveness.

These considerations have really helped me. Some people tell me how sorry they feel for me now that my private life has been publicized to the whole world. But making it public doesn't bother me as much as the sin itself. This is because the experience has forced on me the opportunity to seek spiritual advice and counsel so that I might better think through what I have done, and focus on how I can properly atone and achieve forgiveness, so I can go forward and rebuild my life, both with my family and our country.

Q: What has been the price to pay? What do you feel you are doing now to redeem yourself?

A: I am paying the price -- that is self-evident. The airing of this publicity has had an overwhelming effect. There are consequences. There will be some price to be paid every day. If a person has a conscience -- and I have one -- suffering is the price you pay. And the price you exact from yourself is the biggest price of all.

Q: How do you expect to change and make amends?

A: I'm working on this every day. It is a daily healing process. It's more than not making the mistakes I made. It is building a positive marriage, and building a while edifice of relationships based on fundamental truths. That's the real issue here ...

Q: How will you strive to be a better president as well as a global leader?

A: I am coming to terms with truths. I expect it will make me stronger and straighter. If people can see that in me, I believe that my ability to be a more productive president will be strengthened. I hope to convince people that I want to make it right.

Q: How can you explain the impact your personal wrongdoing has had on people abroad?

A: Well, I'm afraid they will think we're being irresponsible by deflecting our attention from the common challenges we share with other peoples and other countries. They need to trust us to do what is right and to meet our responsibilities in the world. I want them to understand that our government is functioning well.

What is important is that foreign leaders understand that I'm doing my job and that we'll be good, reliable allies. For instance, at the opening session of the United Nations this week, America did what America should do, and I'm doing what I should do, and foreign leaders should not worry.

Q: How will you regain the trust of foreign leaders who look to you for leadership?

A: Remember, most of them come out of different cultures. Those who have telephoned me with encouragement believe I have done nothing, in my public life, to forfeit their trust; and that my private life -- whether it is good or bad or troubled or happy -- is not their business. So, I think foreign leaders tend to see this episode in a completely different way. There is no reason, based on my public record and my discharge of the public trust, that they or any Americans should doubt that.

Q: On Yom Kippur, the Jewish people fast for 24 hours -- one way to put themselves in the frame of mind to atone. As you may know, the word "atone" has a simple origin -- to be at one again with God. How would you return to be at one with God?

A: It is important to be in the right frame of mind. For me, atonement is not only atoning for a specific thing I did that was very wrong, but to deal also with the various attitudes surrounding it -- the desire to lash out, the desire to be angry, every other destructive feeling. You have to atone for them all and then try, insofar as humanly possible, to keep the state of mind that the Jewish people try to achieve on the Day of Atonement.

Q: How would you characterize your own frame of mind today?

A: I think it is healthy and wholesome. I'm basically a very positive and optimistic person. I believe I can do what I need to do in my healing process. And the American people will do what they need to do. I believe that under my leadership accomplish even greater things together.

Q: How are you taking stock of yourself -- personally, and as president of the United States?

A: While going through this harrowing experience, I feel a heightened sense of responsibility and accountability to make the most of the rest of my life. I never again want to disappoint myself or disappoint my wife and others I love. Each day is a gift for doing the work I have to do, and I'm determined to wisely use every moment of every day to try to be fully in command and seize the gift.

Q: What would you now say to the children around the world who admire you and look up to you as a role model?

A: I would tell them that all people can make mistakes, even presidents. That's the bad news. The good news is that if you acknowledge your errors, and you change, you can go forward free again. Also, that basically I am not an example than one can break the rules in life and get away with it if one is powerful enough.

I am an example that you should not break the rules, no matter who you are. But if you do, you must atone before going ahead.

Q: The Jewish New Year is a new beginning ... The start of a new year. Another image of the holy day is that the slate is clean. How will you wipe your slate clean?

A: You point to a very important concept because the truth is the hardest thing to come face to face with ... when you do wrong ... it's hard to forgive yourself. Yes, in the Jewish tradition, the slate is wiped clean, and you start anew. With real repentance, I'm told, the sins are effectively removed. Christians, too, believe that when God forgives a sin, it is as if He forgets the sin. So it's important for people not to forget -- but to remember, as a principle ... to be able to forgive themselves once they know God has forgiven them.

Q: What about your conduct in the future? What have you learned from your proper conduct that you would apply?

A: The positive way is to try and take daily inventory, to organize the beginning and end of the day, and not let the sun go down in anger, as Scripture says. So I'd say now I need to begin each day aware of what my responsibilities are.

The Jewish New Year is a symbol of what we ought to do every day. Each day should be a new beginning. Personal and professional things happen daily to each of us, and many things can throw us off stride. The idea is to organize your life so that you get back on course.

Q: How are you coping today? How do you avoid wallowing in regret?

A: Instead of wallowing in regret, I am working at repairing my life and my marriage. My wife is a remarkable woman and her strength and support are a constant inspiration to me during this painful time.

I am doing the people's business. At the same time, I'm diligently working with my family on the healing process.

Wallowing in regret is a cop-out. We're instructed to acknowledge, atone, repent and then go on. The awareness will come back from time to time, but what is required is responsible action and change. I simply need the discipline to fight negative feelings, and I think I am doing just that.

Q: What do you expect to accomplish in your remaining time at the White House?

A: Well, two years ago when you interviewed me for my 50th birthday, I told you that even if I live to be 100, I will have more yesterdays than tomorrows. Now, each one of my tomorrow is more precious, and now, I am even more acutely aware of that. You know, I never did understand how, for example, a president, in a second term, could feel that it is time to relax because most of the work has been done. I don't believe that. I think perhaps the greatest achievements for America and for the world are still in the future. We have serious challenges ahead.

In my remaining two years and four months as president, I expect to do even better. This is how I look at the situation. I am not marking time. I feel immensely energized by where we are today and where we are heading.

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