Movie Guys: ‘Godzilla’ a wimp? Believe it

Friday, May 22, 1998 | 10:31 a.m.

* Grades: Jeff, C; Dave, D+.

* Starring: Matthew Broderick, Jean Reno, Maria Pitillo, Hank Azaria, Kevin Dunn, Michael Lerner and Harry Shearer.

* Director: Roland Emmerich.

* Rated: PG-13 for scenes of graphic mass destruction, violence, gore and profanity.

* Running time: 139 minutes.

* Playing at: Las Vegas Drive-In, Century 12 Orleans, Century Desert, Cinedome 12 Henderson, ACT III Sunset Station, ACT III Village Square, ACT III Texas Station.

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* Synopsis: Nuclear testing by the French government in the South Pacific spawns a genetically-mutated, fire-breathing, 200-foot-tall iguana. Now, a scientist, a TV reporter, a cameraman and a French insurance investigator must work together to destroy this radioactive monster before it turns New York City into the world's biggest mound of rubble.

Dave: Boy, Godzilla has sure come along way since his 1954 Japanese debut, when he was a prehistoric monster that terrorizes Tokyo. Now he has sold out to Hollywood in complete '90s fashion. And who better to take advantage of the hip-updated look of the beast? No, not Taco Bell (though that is a fair guess). Why, it's producer/co-writer Dean Devlin and director/co-writer Roland Emmerich, the master collaborators of the sci-fi adventure "StarGate" and 1996's event movie, "Independence Day," that's who. They certainly have proven their weight in box office receipts and have marketed their latest efforts in global style, all the while keeping the fresh makeover of Godzilla under lock and key.

Jeff: I was disappointed, Dave. Gee, where to start? Let's begin with Godzilla himself: He looks like a cross between Spielberg's "Jurassic Park" raptor and "Alien." He's not a frozen dinosaur awakened by a nuclear blast, but a sorry looking iguana, genetically mutated, coupled with the attitude of a kitten. This is not Godzilla. When he reaches Manhattan he just causes massive property damage -- a mega-wrecking ball.

Couldn't he eat a few New Yorkers? Sure, he steps on a few by accident, but never gobbles anyone up in large amounts. He prefers fish. This is not Godzilla. What's missing is the human element of Godzilla. This version hasn't any emotion; it acts purely on instinct. We have no emotional connection. He's not even a villain. He doesn't even use his patented atomic breath! Sure, it may look like he did, but I believe it was just a fuel tank, sparked by the flying debris. This is not Godzilla.

Dave: Oh, I'm with you, Jeff. This is literally a Godzilla-sized disappointment. What about the U.S. military? Talk about a bunch of buffoons who couldn't hit a duck in an open pond, let alone hunt down a 20-story creature hidden in Manhattan. The army soldiers in "Toy Story" would have posed more of a challenge than this group of misfits. The only one who even had a clue to the nature of the mysterious monster was biologist Dr. Niko Tatopoulos (the boyish Matthew Broderick). However, he seems to have come across the knowledge rather conveniently and generically -- probably to speed up the film's running time of nearly 2rac/2 hours. Nothing is left to the imagination, other than the appearance of Godzilla, and that, as Jeff said already, was nothing spectacular.

Jeff: Godzilla's look remained a mystery once the movie began. A tail here, a claw there ... show the damn thing already! You're right, Dave, how can you lose a 200-foot monster? Godzilla loves to hide in the subway system. You'd think the military could hear him crawling 10 feet underground. Godzilla is a coward. He runs away from the military and the helicopters. Why doesn't he stand his ground and fight? He's a wimp.

We later learn why Godzilla came to New York: It seems he, uh, she, er, it wants to lay some fast-hatching eggs in Madison Square Garden. Now, we have 200 mini raptors ready to pounce on an evacuated Manhattan. This is a Xerox of "Jurassic Park," "Alien," "King Kong" and "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms" all rolled into one. The special effects are amazing and are the one and only reason to see the film. Did we mention that there is a love story in this mess too?

Dave:

Wait a New York minute there, Jeffrey! You thought the effects were the saving grace of this film? It is nothing we haven't seen before. I mean, sure, it looks incredible when buildings are being toppled and cars are being demolished by a gigantic foot. But when you build as much hype around a film -- that could choke Godzilla himself -- as this one, well, I guess I expected more than a rehash of last year's "The Lost World." As for the ridiculous love story, it was thrown into the mix for no other reason than to meet the standard norm. Placing Broderick with a ditzy blonde reporter played by Maria Pitillo ("Chaplin") was unnecessary. A quick back story and a casual reunion between the two and we are supposed to want them together? Please...

Jeff:

The effects are cool, Dave. I was impressed enough to recommend that every 12-year-old in the country rush out and see this destructive lizard. The soundtrack to the film is so out of place -- it should be suspenseful and ominous. Instead it's like the music from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," uplifting and wondrous. The best part of the film is Mayor Ebert of New York City and his assistant, Gene (as in Siskel) -- a hilarious, vengeful effort by Emmerich and Devlin to have the last word on Siskel and Ebert for panning "Independence Day." I laughed every time they appeared on screen. I'm sorry to report that the window is open for a sequel for this dog -- how about "Dogzilla"? -- where size does matter, and the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

MOVIE BUZZ

* "Fear and Loathing" at Cannes: After critics at the Cannes Film Festival gave "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas" a vicious bashing, director Terry Gilliam struck back with some criticism of his own. Gilliam shared his feelings about the festival organizers' decision to close the event with Sony's megaevent movie "Godzilla": "I think it's really dumb, and I find we're living in terrible times," Gilliam says. "I think it's probably the saddest thing about the Cannes Film Festival this year, that we're ending with the ultimate corporate movie. It may be a wonderful movie, but I think we can do better than that."

* Amusing "Armageddon": It appears that the world ended with a snicker instead of a bang at the Cannes Film Festival. A rough cut of footage from the upcoming Hollywood blockbuster "Armageddon" was shown at Cannes to ignite some hype. The flame seems to have fizzled, however: The "Armageddon" footage was greeted with unintentional laughs, especially during a tender moment between star Bruce Willis and Liv Tyler, who plays his daughter. "Armageddon" lands in theaters in July.

* Leonardo DiPsycho?: From one extreme to the other ... Teen heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio will follow up his role as the romantic lead in the most successful American film of all time, "Titanic," by starring in the screen adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis' controversial novel "American Psycho." DiCaprio will play the murderous Patrick Bateman, a twisted Wall Street trader, who spends his nights torturing and brutally murdering countless victims to relieve the stresses of corporate life. According to Daily Variety, DiCaprio will pocket $21 million to play the lead role.

VIEWPOINT

We were in The Forum Shops recently, when we decided to take lunch at Planet Hollywood. We were sitting at our regular table -- the one next to the decomposing corpse of Norman Bates' mother -- when we were shocked to discover that our waiter was none other than comedian Phil Hartman. After describing the specials for the day, he sat down with us for an interview to talk about his days on "Saturday Night Live," "The Simpsons" and "NewsRadio." He did impressions of Frank Sinatra, Tony McClure and his Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer character for us. It was a memorable lunch, especially because we didn't tip him. Check out the next issue of Scope magazine for our "10 Questions" with Hartman and read the responses of one of the most talented comedians of our time.

NAME THAT FLICK

"Same old story. Boy finds girl. Boy loses girl. Girl finds boy. Boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl. Girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day." Pierre Racquer was the first to call and identify the quote spoken by "Police Squad's" Lt. Frank Drebin -- played by Leslie Nielsen -- in "The Naked Gun." Way to go Pierre ... and don't call me Shirley.

For this week, who said this and in what film: "Yes, he actually was president of the United States, but I know that whenever he used to leave the White House, the Secret Service used to count the silverware." Sound familiar? If you think you know, call The Movie Guys hotline at 225-9026, or e-mail us at movieguys5@aol.com (with acres of free parking). Be sure to spell your name and leave your daytime phone number, and if you're the first correct caller/e-mailer, we will print your name right here in our column -- now with a 30-day money-back guarantee -- for the entire Las Vegas Valley to read.

See you next week.

THE MOVIE GUYS, starring Jeff Howard and Dave Neil, appears every Friday in the Sun (additional material provided by Thomas Feeney). You can also read their capsule reviews of movies in Scope magazine and watch their reviews every Friday on Channel 3's 11 p.m. newscast. Plus, check them out online at: www.lasvegassun.com/sun/sunlife/movies.