People in the News for March 16, 1998

Monday, March 16, 1998 | 9:15 a.m.

Although journalists are taught to evaluate stories based on the five Ws -- who, what, when, where, why -- occasionally there comes a story that elicits the one H -- huh? That was our reaction on hearing about the weekend roast celebrating Milton Berle's 85 years in show business. Huh? Milton Berle is still alive? Alive and quipping, it seems. As Berle himself puts it, "Waiting for me to retire is like leaving the porch light on for Jimmy Hoffa." OK, so maybe "alive" and "quipping" are a little strong; he's "not dead" and "making comments intended to be humorous." At least, on the verge of turning 90 in July, he's hanging in there. "You've heard of Alzheimer's disease?" cracked comic Dick Capri. "He's got Berlesheimer's disease. He forgets everything -- except other people's jokes." Feted by old pals Sid Caesar, Jack Carter and Norm Crosby, Berle eventually took the stage and -- fete don't fail us now! -- started cracking wise. "It's a thrill to be here tonight," he began. "At my age, it's a thrill to be anywhere." The words ho ho fail to do justice to our response. Gesturing to his friends, Berle said "Look at these guys. They look like they all slept with Eleanor Roosevelt. Recently!" Stop, Uncle Miltie, you killing us! All right, all right, one more: "This just came over the wires. A tornado hit Camden, N.J. It did $20 million worth of improvements."

Funnyman Al

Right now you're asking yourself: Can anything result in more tickled ribs, more slapped knees -- can anything be flat-out funnier -- than a Milton Berle roast? The answer is yes: An Al Gore roast. See, just the phrase "Al Gore roast" has you chuckling already. Wait until, with Berle-esque sizzle, he starts slinging the one-liners. "I'm told that a certain speaker of the Massachusetts House said the other night that I was an escapee from a wax museum," said Gore, guest of honor at a Sunday St. Patrick's Day political roast in Boston, exhibiting his usual comic flair. "I'm actually just on leave." We were already wiping away the tears of laughter when Gore presented Sen. John Kerry -- a possible rival in the 2000 race for the White House -- with a set of long johns emblazoned, "Kerry 2008." "You're a young man," he said. Stop, Mr. Vice President, you're killing us!

Get out of jail

Freedom's just another word for no more police cars to wash or jail floors to swab -- Christian Slater is outta the can! He was sprung from the LaVerne, Calif., jail this weekend after serving 59 days of his three-month sentence on battery and drug charges. Good behavior reduced his sentence. "He simply served his time. He was a model inmate," said a jail spokesman. "He was just like any other inmate here." Upon his release, Slater and his attorney drove around the block several times, the actor hanging out of a window and screaming in relief. As celebrity inmates are rare in the La Verne jail, it's to be expected that Slater's release might touch a wistful chord in his jailors: "The chores that he performed we'll miss," said one, bravely fighting back a sniffle, "but we'll get someone else for that." There's a crack about Robert Downey Jr. to be made here, but we're suffering from Peoplesheimer's and can't quite think of it.

Compiled by Scott Dickensheets