Thursday, March 12, 1998 | 9:40 a.m.
Another beloved American icon soiled by debauched Eurotrash! First it was Jerry Lewis, his hey-laaaady wholesomeness tainted by the clammy, creepy embrace of the French, who, remember, eat snails. Now, magazines in London and Germany have upped the ante by publishing photos of Barbie and Ken in what Mattel Inc. lawyers refer to as "improper, sexually explicit and offensive positions." Of course, the question naturally arises, Where can we get copies of these publications? -- in the interests of professional journalistic voyer ... er, research, of course -- but after that, one wonders what sort of article these pictures accompanied. Titled "All the Right Moves," the story in the April 1996 edition of Britain's For Him magazine described various sexual positions; a few months later, the article and pix were reprinted in the German edition of Men's Health (For Him also put a motion-enhanced version of the images on its website). In a lawsuit filed last week, the toymaker says the photos ruin Ken and Barbie's "wholesome and aspirational" image. Mattel has a history of such image-protecting suits -- a few years ago it sued Swedish popsters Aqua over their song, "Barbie Girl." Memo to Mattel: Why not capitalize on this opportunity with a line of speciality Barbies featuring lots of doll parts: Dominatrix Barbie! Penthouse Pet Barbie! White House Intern Barbie! (Presidential knee pads sold separately.)
Cash's charge
The March 14 issue of Billboard features an ad celebrating Johnny Cash's recent Grammy Award naming his "Unchained" as Best Country Album. Or, more accurately, the Best Country Album You've Never Heard Because Country Radio Ignores the Old Guys. The ad shows an angry-faced Cash making an obscene gesture. The copy reads: "American Recordings and Johnny Cash would like to acknowledge the Nashville music establishment and country radio for your support." Cash was unavailable for further comment, as if any is needed.
Wayans bye-bye
In the brutal Darwinian arena of syndicated late-night talk shows, it's not always survival of the hippest. "The Keenen Ivory Wayans Show" was canceled Wednesday, yet Sinbad lives to emit bad "Vibes" another day. Bad ratings doomed Wayans; they "haven't reached the levels necessary to sustain such an expensive production," said an official with Buena Vista Television, the erstwhile show's producer. Wayans was philosophical about the plug-pulling, particularly if by "philosophical" you mean "completely avoiding reality." "It feels like we did what we set out to do with this show," he says, as if he actually meant to produce a program that would be quickly canceled for lack of viewer interest. "I learned a lot. ... I've gained much greater respect for the guys that have been doing it for 10, 15 years," he says. Of course, you don't care about any of this; if you did, you'd have watched his show and perhaps it would have survived. We're sure Wayans would like to acknowledge everyone for their support.
Compiled by Scott Dickensheets
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