Dial File: ‘Seven’ fans get drop on CBS gringos

Thursday, June 11, 1998 | 10:19 a.m.

MAGNIFICENT. Simply "Magnificent."

That, quite simply, describes the daring rescue of "The Magnificent Seven" (go ahead, hum that soul-stirring theme music; we'll wait ...), the based-on-the-hit-film series that aired briefly on CBS, then got tossed off the airwaves like a gringo thrown headfirst through swinging saloon doors.

When those galoots from Black Rock (gringo lingo for CBS' dusty little outpost in New York) moseyed into town with news that "The Magnificent Seven" wasn't in their gun-sights for next fall or even mid-season -- dead as a prairie dog in a den of rattlesnakes -- riled-up (dag-nabbit!) fans formed a posse and strung up those network city slickers by their tassled loafers.

Hang 'em high.

Which is to say: "Magnificent" fans bombarded CBS affiliates with e-mail and spent $5,000 on ads in Variety and USA Today to force its return, even sending a cactus to CBS Entertainment honcho Leslie Moonves. The result: "The Magnificent Seven," starring an ensemble cast topped by Michael Biehn in the Yul Brenner role, got its head out of the hangman's noose with a 13-episode reprieve for mid-season -- proof that, even in these Quick Draw McGraw days when favorite series take a bullet in the back from cowardly, cold-blooded network gunslingers, pistol-packin' fans can still save the day.

Fancy shootin', amigos.

This is not standard in TV, where fans-in-mourning routinely cry over the caskets of quality shows ("Brooklyn Bridge," "I'll Fly Away," "Nothing Sacred") that died agonizing ratings deaths while trying to scrape up enough eyeballs to satisfy network bottom-liners.

True, CBS might have needed only modest arm-twisting on this one: Despite so-so numbers, "Magnificent" surely had more credits on its ledger -- the young, male demographic the network craves, lured to a testosterone-soaked shoot-'em-up -- than, say, debit-riddled fellow western "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman," which was dressed up in prissy petticoats and frilly family values (and now, a pretty little pink slip ).

And fan-fueled reprieves have precedents. Among them: "Star Trek" fans badgered NBC into resurrecting the marginally-rated, future classic for one more warp-speed season after it had been beamed off the schedule in the late '60s, unwittingly setting the stage for a worldwide, multi-media, uh, enterprise. And rabid romantics who idolized CBS' "Beauty and the Beast" -- with "Magnificent" co-star Ron Perlman and future "Terminator" terminator Linda Hamilton -- kvetched until CBS coughed up more episodes.

For the record, I'm a "Magnificent" fan (although not part of the organized revolt), but then the original film -- itself a remake of "The Seven Samurai" -- is one of my favorites and I'm a sucker for westerns, anyway. (I also grew up during those politically incorrect days of The Marlboro Man puffing his way through TV ads to that "Magnificent" music with its Big Sky melody and swaggering staccato cadence -- saddle up!

This is a small, but heartening victory in a time when TV symbolizes society -- networks as part of the corporate culture that pulls our strings (including our entertainment options) in this institutionalized era, unlike the old West, where rugged individualism ruled.

This time, there was no cowering behind the bar as outlaws shot up the saloon. Instead, the little guy pulled out a Colt .45, leveled it right at the beady little eyeballs of the big, bad bandito and said:

Drop it, Mister.

FALL-EN STARS: Now that the pre-fall fanfare has faded -- yes, "Frasier" snatched the "Seinfeld" time slot, yadda, yadda, yadda -- what can you say about next season's series slate? How about: Twinkle twinkle, TV stars -- how we wonder where you are?

While sorta-stars Nathan Lane, Shannen Doherty and Brian Benben made the fall lineup, sluggers such as Mary Tyler Moore, Valerie Harper, Ted Danson, John Larroquette, Debbie Reynolds and Arsenio Hall were benched until at least mid-season (scheduling conflicts, creative problems -- i.e., just plain lousy shows -- etc.).

Subtract established series and that leaves lots of virtual unknowns virtually in charge of the networks' fall fortunes (comedian D.L. Hughley in ABC's "The Hughleys," Mark Feuerstein in NBC's "Conrad Bloom," stand-up Kevin James in CBS' "The King of Queens."). And, despite the built-in draw of marquee names, this trend could be the networks' salvation.

Gone are the days when Bill Cosby, The NBC Version, single-handedly saves a network. Today, Bill Cosby, The CBS Version lends his new network elder statesman-style respectability but doesn't rattle the ratings. Likewise Ted Danson, who Cheered NBC, then made "Ink" a stink-bomb for CBS. And Moore, whose smile once turned on the TV world, then turned CBS' smile upside-down with a trio of turkeys, "Mary"(the variety show), "Mary" (the sitcom) and "New York News," all cancelled in a New York minute.

Meanwhile, comics still wet behind the rabbit ears such as "Everybody Loves Raymond" Romano capture the nation's attention. And, once upon a prime-time, a couple of silly sitcoms pinned their meager hopes on some club comics named Tim Allen and Jerry Seinfeld.

THIS & THAT: KEDG-FM 103.5-FM last week swapped its alternative rock format for "rhythm adult contemporary" and the moniker "KISS FM." Pending FCC approval, the call letters will change to KISF-FM. ... KCNG Channel 25 has beamed up UPN -- and, more importantly, "Star Trek: Voyager. " However, Prime Cable doesn't currently carry the station. ... Comedy Central's loopy "Viva Variety" invades the Flamingo Hilton to tape shows on June 23, 24 and June 26. Susan Anton, David Cassidy, Rip Taylor and the Radio City Rockettes will pop in.

CROON A TUNE: Well, the first thing you know, our Rita knew the tune. The kin folks said, 'Hey, Rita, call 'em soon!' Said, 'Dial File' is the place ya wanna call,' so she picked up the phone and gave the answer to y'all." "Oil, that is ... black gold ... Texas tea." And Rita McCaffrey was the first to ID that down-home ditty as "The Beverly Hillbillies" theme. Take yer shoes off, Rita; set a spell.

Next? What show -- in its end theme version -- bemoaned "no phone, no lights, no motor car, not a single luxury."? Like Robinson Crusoe, this feature is primitive as can be; so join us here each week, my friends, you're sure to get a smile, by answering this trivia, here on Dial File.

THE WITCH AND THE WORM: Among the more amusing fall finds: The WB's "Charmed" will feature Shannen Doherty as ... a witch. Substitute one letter for the description of Doherty that got her booted off the long-running hit "Beverly Hills 90210." Her crowded resume includes throwing hissy fits on the set, trashing apartments, slapping nightclub patrons and threatening to have an ex-fiance sodomized on her front lawn. "Charm"-ing. But, in a grand, all-is-forgiven gesture, "Charmed" will be produced by Aaron Spelling, the same TV titan who tossed her out of her previous tele-zip code.

Meanwhile, another case study in behavioral psychology -- and also, by some accounts, actor, although we're still combing the countryside for evidence -- named Dennis Rodman will join the syndicated "Soldier of Fortune" next season.

If the shows tank, we hear the tantrum-tossing twosome might land supporting roles in a "Touched By an Angel" spinoff called "Mauled By Beelzebub."

Howard Stern and Andrew "Dice" Clay are up for the leads.