Couple celebrates their second 75th anniversary

Tuesday, June 2, 1998 | 9:57 a.m.

On May 7, Carmela and Peter Santangelo had been man-and-wife for 75 years, but it won't count until tomorrow.

"In the old days, it was the belief you were not married until you got married in the Catholic Church," said 94-year-old Peter Santangelo, who has not lost the Italian accent although he came to America with his parents in 1908.

He and Carmela, 92, first married in a Chicago courthouse on May 7, 1923.

But their mother and father, strict disciplinarians and old-world traditionalists, would not allow the young couple to have a honeymoon until after the formal church wedding a month later.

Before the two ceremonies, they were not even allowed to kiss.

"When we went out on a date, our grandmother went with us," said Carmela, a small woman whose humor has endured through the ages. "I didn't have my first kiss till after I was married."

She looked at Peter and smiled.

"I should have dated around first," she said.

It was not difficult for their parents to keep their children under control because they lived under the same roof.

Peter's mother died of an infection at the age of 28, when he was still a child.

Carmela's father, a railroad man, died in a train accident when she, too, was a child.

Eventually, Carmela's mother and Peter's father married, making them step- brother-and-sister.

"I called him brother before I called him husband," Carmela grinned.

Peter explained the odd situation.

"In the old days, marriages were arranged," he said.

When he was 14, his father began convincing him that Carmela was the person he should -- and would -- marry when they became of age because they knew each other very well and both were responsible people.

And Peter already had embarked on a career.

When he was 10, he began training as a barber in his uncle's 14-chair barber shop, and at the age of 12 he began cutting hair -- a skill he practiced in Chicago until he retired in 1971.

Love had nothing to do with the decision to marry, though the two were friends and love came later.

It was a deep love, one that has never wavered through the roughest trials of marriage.

"We've never regretted it," said Carmela. "We're just as happy today as then."

Today they live in a senior citizens apartment in Las Vegas.

But for most of their lives they lived in the Chicago area, where Peter at one time had a passing acquaintance of gangster Al Capone, and he was a friend of a young Richard Daley, who later became mayor.

Peter said in the Capone days he had a chance to have a "sports book" and a bootlegging operation at his shop.

A police captain urged him to do it, but Peter refused, even though it was the depth of the Depression when haircuts were 50 cents and shaves 35 cents.

He did well with his barber shop, even managed to buy a couple of apartment buildings and a home.

He paid $3,500 for their first home -- $100 down and $25 a month.

The couple had a son and daughter.

Their son died in Las Vegas four years ago and their daughter, who raised 10 children, lives in Phoenix.

The Santangelo's recently returned from visiting their daughter, who help them celebrate their first 75th anniversary.

This week they will celebrate their second 75th anniversary.

"Marriage is not always smooth," said Carmela. "You have to compromise."

"There has to be put-and-take," said Peter, "but you can't tell that to these young kids."

The couple have seen a lot of changes since they were children, many of them not for the better.

"There's a lot of differences between then and now," said Peter. "Money didn't mean as much then. People helped each other. There was more discipline.

"Dad told the policeman if I needed a slap, to give it to me, and then he'd give me another when I got home.

"Now, if a teacher tries to discipline a student, the kids mother bawls out the teacher."

But, Peter believes, a teacher shouldn't have to discipline a child.

"You get your education at school, your discipline at home," he said.

But, there seems to be little discipline anywhere today -- an no religion.

"Kids don't have religion today," he said. "I blame the parents."

Peter said the two most important things parents of his young generation instill in their children was self-respect and self-consciousness.

"Those are two things kids don't have anymore," he said. "In the old days, parents brought up kids to be responsible."

But for a host of grandchildren, the Santangelo's don't have that much contact with the younger generation.

Life centers around their friends in the apartment building and meeting people for lunch.

Peter has been 85 percent blind for about 10 years, so he likes the radio and occasionally playing the horses.

Carmela has a weak heart.