People in the News for January 29, 1998

Thursday, Jan. 29, 1998 | 9:40 a.m.

We here at People in the News want to make this perfectly clear: No interns were harmed -- or fondled, groped or manhandled -- in the making of this product. In fact, today's People in the News is 100 percent intern-safe! We feel strongly about this: Save the interns! You can have our interns when you pry them from our cold, dead ... well, nevermind. Fortunately, our intern-sensitive policy doesn't exclude this item, about a recent wedding-like ceremony between Woody Harrelson and gal pal Laura Louie in Costa Rica, where they live a low-tech, electricity-free existence. The two referred to the event as a "union of love," according to Harrelson's representative, Simon Halls. Is that some neo-hippie, low-tech, living-without-electricity doubletalk for "wedding"? Halls, for one, isn't sure. "It was a ceremony with a spiritual person. If he's gone this far, in his mind he's married." However, wire services, never afraid to steamroll semantic niceties in the interest of making deadline, are unequivocally reporting the ceremony as a wedding. The bride, asked if she'll take Harrelson's last name -- she operates a health-food company, so she must have some screwy, neo-hippie ideas about that -- quipped, "Actually, now you can call me Woody Louie." So, let's raise a cup of pulpy organic goop in toast to the happy couple: In their minds, they're married! Cheers!

Briefly

Here's news sure to gridlock music fans: John Tesh has a new album coming out! By gosh, he's serious about this music thing -- if he's gone this far, in his mind he's a musician. Traditionally, Tesh tunes are ideal for elevators in New Age co-ops, for fanfare during minor Olympic events or for indeterminate ceremonies with spiritual persons. But his new disc, "Grand Passion," isn't the same colorless instrumental stylings we've come to expect from Tesh -- it's colorless instrumental stylings with lyrics! A sample: "Looking out I see / And I know just how much you're a part of me / I see you and I / together in life / So there's nothing I wouldn't do / To make you my wife." Consider yourself warned -- avoid this like a shapely intern wired for sound.

Compiled by Scott Dickensheets