Columnist Ruthe Deskin: Agonizing over the death dilemma

Ruthe Deskin

Thursday, Dec. 10, 1998 | 11:10 a.m.

It was the gift we couldn't give.

My beloved mother, a sincerely religious person, prayed to her God to deliver her from the dreadful pain and suffering that was her lot as her frail body gradually succumbed to a fatal illness.

She was on life-sustaining instruments, although the nurses could barely locate veins in her shrunken arms. It never was a choice for us. In our hearts we knew our mother was ready, but we couldn't let her go. Were we selfish in denying her the chance to die with dignity when that was the greatest gift we could have given her? Many have faced a similar dilemma when the time came to say goodbye to a loved one. The decision to remove the apparatus used to extend life is heart-breaking and devastating to those left behind.

Years after my mother's death, I found myself in similar circumstances, as I watched and prayed when my husband, Jim, was fighting a losing battle against cancer.

There was a difference, however. Throughout his illness, there had been frequent calls for the ambulance to transport him to the hospital. One evening Jim exacted a promise. I wasn't to take him back to the hospital, nor were extraordinary methods to be used to prolong his life.

I turned to Nathan Adleson Hospice for their home-care program and they were my salvation. They taught me to accept the inevitable and to allow Jim the luxury of making his own final decisions. He died peacefully at home -- his last wish fulfilled. It was the only gift I had to give him.

These memories came back to me when I watched Dr. Jack Kevorkian inject a solution into the veins of Thomas Youk that resulted in the young man's death. Millions viewed the "killing" on television's "60 Minutes."

Kevorkian's fate will be decided in a court of law -- which, he claims, is what he has been seeking in order to force action on the euthanasia debate. Dr. Kevorkian's string of "assisted suicides" through the years have had a rather ghoulish aspect that I find hard to accept.

Would I have been able to hasten the passing of my mother, or my husband, even with their consent? I think not.

When my time comes, do I want to be hooked up to machines with intravenous feeding flowing through my veins to keep me alive? I think not.

I do believe there is an alternative to euthanasia and "assisted suicide." It is in the hospice programs where terminally ill patients are allowed to make their own choices and be surrounded with friends and family in their last days.

In cases where patients suffer from excruciating, unbearable pain, there is certainly an argument against prolonging that suffering, especially if the patient has made his or her wishes known.

Whether one believes in the philosophy of euthanasia or the "assisted suicide" programs of a Dr. Kevorkian, in fairness to our doctors, friends and relatives, the option to live in pain or die in peace should be spelled out in clear and concise language, so there can be no debate about our wishes.